Albany Times Union (Sunday)

Unexpected guests unapprecia­ted

- JUDITH MARTIN MISS MANNERS dearmissma­nners@gmail.com

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend separated from his partner of 11 years and very quickly found someone new, with whom he’s spending quite a bit of time. I find this new suitor to be taking advantage of my friend, who is "on the rebound," and think the suitor is eyeing him less for his companions­hip and more for his affluence and influence.

I invited my friend out to dinner (my treat) to celebrate my birthday, making it clear I wanted to take him out, not the other way around. I prefaced my invitation with "If you don’t have any other plans," and made a reservatio­n for two at a restaurant that I wanted to try. But on the appointed day, I found out that my friend had extended my invitation to his new suitor — and his two large dogs! — without first checking with me.

He thought it was "not a big deal," but I was miffed. I canceled the reservatio­n and made my excuses, as I felt slighted and frankly did not want to spend an evening with my friend’s new lover. In canceling, I explained that I really wanted to spend time with my friend for my birthday and share a restaurant I was meaning to try with him, and that I would love to have dinner with him and his suitor on another occasion.

Was I rude to cancel dinner after my invitation was extended to other parties? Or was my friend rude in including a plusone without checking with me? GENTLE READER: What restaurant allows two big dogs?

Sorry. Perhaps Miss Manners is focusing on the wrong thing. Your friend should not have invited his suitor and certainly not the dogs — and your cancellati­on was understand­able and tactfully worded.

Although Miss Manners would have probably just blamed it on the dogs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of six years basically let my outdoor cats make themselves comfortabl­e inside. We live in a warm, dryish climate, so they were happy being outside cats. I would feed them outside.

Now he is feeding them inside and letting them sleep on the chairs all day. I am fed up with all the cleanup. When I suggest he do it, he just doesn’t. He loves the cats, but won’t take the cleaning responsibi­lity. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: What about putting him outside? Because if he is sharing your living space, then it is certainly reasonable that he participat­e in its upkeep.

Miss Manners recommends that you either tell him that your system was working and you plan to return to it — or to start cleaning up cat hair. Perhaps you can get him a lint brush and vacuum for Valentine’s Day.

 ?? ??

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