There’s more to life than just living. Like funeral planning.
Brush with mortality prompts some thinking about the future
“I’m not afraid of death,” said a Woody Allen-like character in the playwright’s aptly named one-act play, “Death.” “I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
I started remembering that line a lot last year, when two brain surgeries in the span of seven months put me on the shelf for a total of 18 weeks. And while both procedures — a supraorbital crainiotomy and an endoscopic endonasal skull base surger y — to remove two noncancerous tumors were successful, it definitely got me thinking about my own mortality.
Not being around any more is some heavy stuff to contemplate, especially when you’ve got a wife and daughter whom you love very much. Of course, as Owen Wilson sagely remarks in “Wedding Crashers,” “We’re all going to lose the people we love. That’s the way it is.”
I never contemplated not being around to walk my tween daughter down the aisle, or not being able to snuggle any more with my wife of 20 years. Though I turned 62 years old last June, I hadn’t ever considered the way it is. And I certainly never considered making funeral arrangements for myself and my wife.
Apparently, neither do a lot of other folks. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the trade group’s “Consumer Awareness and Preferences Study” reported in 2017 that although consumers acknowledge the importance of pre-planning their own funeral, they fail to do so in practice. The organization’s findings revealed that although 62.5 percent of consumers felt it is very important to communicate their funeral plans and wishes to family members prior to their own death, only 21.4 percent had done so. Even though nearly two-thirds of Americans acknowledge the importance of pre-arrangements, survey respondents cited several factors as preventing them from planning, namely that pre-planning is not a priority, that they have not thought about it, or that it is too costly.
Of course, whether prepaying a funeral is cost-prohibitive or not is up to you. Everyone’s financial situation is uniquely their own. But according to the National Funeral Directors Association’s 2021 price list study, the median cost of a funeral has increased only 6.6 percent over the past five years to $7,848, and the median cost of a funeral with cremation has increased 11.3 percent over the past five years to $6,970.
So last year, I plunked down over $14,000 to pre-arrange funerals for both my wife and me. Do I think easing the emotional and financial burdens on my family was the right call? Absolutely. Do I acknowledge that not everyone may feel this way? Of course.
I know I could have spent $14,000 on plenty of other things. I could have used it to pare down my mortgage, or used it to pad my daughter’s 529 college savings account. Or taken several trips to Bermuda aboard the Disney Cruise Line. All would have been preferable, if you must know. And let’s face it, with the price of gasoline these days — I’m paying $3.75 per gallon — I could have filled up at the pump and put 3,733 gallons of gas in my car.
So now all my wife and I need to do is to scout out some cemetery locations where we can enjoy eternity. Someplace serene and peaceful, maybe under a shade tree near a babbling brook. Fans of “The Odd Couple” television series might recall that’s what Felix Ungar wanted. It was Plot 202 at Angel Haven Cemetery.
At least I know my wife won’t lose our plot down payment like Felix’s roommate, Oscar Madison, did — namely, by betting on a horse.
At least I hope she doesn’t.
I never contemplated not being around to walk my tween daughter down the aisle, or not being able to snuggle any more with my wife of 20 years.