Keep mum about affair suspicions
My father died three years ago. My parents were both close to his younger brother and his wife. For the past two years, I have suspected that my mother and my uncle have been having an affair. They live in different states and text back and forth. She has left her phone open when she has gone places with us, and the comments back and forth are very sexually oriented.
I became suspicious when my uncle came to visit and they took a trip together and ended up staying overnight somewhere. A couple of months later, my aunt and uncle came to visit, and Mom asked me not to say any thing about the trip they had taken in front of his wife.
Then Mom sta r ted lock i ng her phone, and if she wants to show you something, she holds onto her phone for dear li fe. She asked me to look on her phone for something recently while she was driving us someplace and she was so worried about her phone, I was afraid she was going to cause an accident because she was tr y ing to watch what I was doing.
The last time my aunt and uncle were here, Mom tried everything she could to get my uncle alone. I tried as hard as I could to not let that happen. I feel my aunt needs to know what is going on. I’m not sure how to approach this or if I should leave it alone. It really bothers me they think this is OK. My father had an affair once, so Mom should know how this would hurt. What should I do? — Witness in Wisconsin
DEAR WITNESS: What you should do is ta ke a g ia nt step back. Do not i nvolve yourself i n t his potentia l mess and do not be t he bearer of bad tidings to your aunt. If you are goi ng to ta l k to anyone, ta l k to your mother.
DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my husband, “Clyde,” for 14 years, and we have a 12- year- old son. Clyde is t he nicest man I have ever met, nice to a point t hat drives me i nsane. He inv ites complete stra ngers over to our house and acts li ke it ’s normal.
Last week, he broug ht a homeless 20- something woman with him when he came home f rom work. Without my consent, he let her stay over for four days, until I forced her to leave. I couldn’t sta nd havi ng to cook for and house a woman whose name I didn’t even k now! A f ter she lef t, Clyde got mad and sa id my actions were
“r ude” and “disrespectf ul.” I t hink it is unsa fe for stra ngers to be a l lowed i n our home, especia l ly with our son around.
Abby, I don’t k now what to do. If I ca n’t f ind a way to stop my husband’s recklessness, I may have to end our marriage. Please help. — Over whelmed in Pennsylvania DEAR OVERWHELMED: In most marriages, spouses have enough consideration for each other t hat t hey ask f irst before inv iting someone — par ticu la rly someone t heir spouse doesn’t k now — into t heir home. Your “nice” husband seems to have forgotten t his.
Your concerns are va lid. Because you can’t seem to get t hroug h to him t hat what he is doing is risk y, insist on some sessions with a licensed marriage and fa mily t herapist. Perhaps t hat person can get t hrough to him. He may t hink what he’s doing is admirable, but t here are other ways to help homeless indiv idua ls.
TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, t he Day of Atonement, beg ins at sundow n. During t his 24- hour period, Jew ish people fast, engage in ref lection and prayer, and forma l ly repent for any sin t hat might have been committed during t he prev ious Hebrew year. To a l l of you who obser ve — may your fast be an easy, but meani ng f ul, one.