Health Beat

When news of the divorce between Melissa and Bill Gates hit, some people registered shock, others snark. But in the Gates’ personal world, things are bound to unfold like they do for folks who don’t have that kind of money or cachet. They will experience the sense of loss, not only of their relationship, but of friendships. Yes, when divorce happens, some friends go with one spouse or the other, despite the dynamic prior to the divorce. More than 20 years ago, I experienced that. Sigh. So why do some friends fall by the wayside? It may be they were more closely aligned with one spouse or the other, but there’s more. Family therapist Dr. Bruce Fisher wrote a book about rebuilding relationships post-divorce. He cites four main reasons why friendships evaporate when a couple splits. The reasons include viewing you as a threat: You’re now single and that means eligible. Uh-oh. Divorce is polarizing, as mentioned, and people pick sides. There’s also the fear factor that spending time with someone whose marriage ended could trigger the same thing to happen to theirs. And even now, there’s lingering social stigma about divorce in some circles. I suppose you could say the friends who peel away weren’t really friends after all. Perhaps. But more likely, people see things through their personal lens. If you find yourself in this situation, surround yourself with those who really are on your team and don’t be afraid to look beyond. New friendships can be formed, even in adulthood. And don’t be afraid to reach out for emotional support. Divorce can be traumatic and mental health professionals can help.

Benita Zahn, Dps-bioethics 518-207-4820 / Bzahn@wnyt.com Facebook.com/benitazahn Instagram.com/benitatv13

Watch Benita interview Capital Region health experts at wnyt.com/health