House sitter unwilling host
Dear Carolyn: I’m house- and pet-sitting this month for a close relative. They have a pleasant house and a pool. I know they are generous with neighbors as far as the use of the pool goes.
However, I didn’t think I’d be living in a public facility for three weeks. The 40-something neighbors have taken to coming and going as they please, and even treat me like an interloper, instructing me in the use of pool equipment, how and when I should lock gates, etc. — as if they own the joint. Last weekend they and their drinks and snack bags were here for six hours on Saturday and four hours on Sunday while I worked and fumed indoors. I received a text informing me that some of them will be coming at 5 p.m. to “hang out.” I just want to be alone and use the pool. My relative will be mortified (possibly angry) if I text back telling them I prefer privacy until she returns but I’m so angry. Dare I send that text?
— Fed-up House Sitter Dear Fed-up House Sitter: Send it. “I will be using the pool at 5.” If you want, “You’re welcome to come at ___.” Assert yourself, civilly but without apology.
Re: House Sitter: No, no, no!! The homeowner should have told the neighbors that the pool and yard would be off-limits while they are gone. What if someone got hurt? Text or call and tell the owner you don’t want all the neighbors coming onto the property while you are responsible for it.
— Anonymous Dear Anonymous: This feels right, thanks.
One week later ...
Dear Carolyn: I have an ironic update.
Before I could send the text last Friday warding off the neighbors, I glanced out and to my vast irritation, two women already were serenely floating in the pool, like they owned the joint. Coolers and snack bags on the pool deck, Bluetooth speaker blasting their music.
I took the dogs out and admittedly was pretty hostile. I gave curt one-word answers to their attempts at conversation, pointedly asked them to replace things when they leave, and otherwise was unfriendly and unwelcoming.
Well, karma got me. The next day a frail, elderly rescue dog became very ill. I let my relative, the owner, know, and soon Pool Invader No. 1 barreled in the unlocked front door, having been called by my relative, who figured I’d need a driver, which I did.
Invader was already on the phone to the animal ER, informing them we were en route, and her SUV was idling in the driveway. AWKWARD. We ended up spending more than three hours stuck together in a tiny exam room, making occasional conversation. I was cringing at having to accept help from someone I’d been very rude to.
The next day my relative said, “Never hesitate to tell my neighbors you don’t want visitors at the pool area.” The dog seems to be OK.
— Fed-up House Sitter again Dear Fed-up Housesitter Again: As long as the dog is OK ... It reads like a long, sitcommy PSA for establishing terms upfront, welcoming karma graciously and voicing your limits kindly before you’re shaking with suppressed fury.
Reader comment, speaking for many:
▪ The pet sitter update made my week. That’s it. No questions. :)