Cosmc, man
Cosmc’s a retro-futuristic take from Mcdonald’s
CHICAGO — Cosmc’s, a new futuristic concept from Mcdonald’s, secretively opened its first location recently in Bolingbrook, Ill., near Chicago, a day ahead of schedule.
Some locals, though, noticed small lawn signs posted on-site stating that it was open to the public — and possibly the media helicopters circling overhead. Named for Cosmc (pronounced “cosmic”), a little-known company character (a space alien who visited the fictional Mcdonaldland in the late 1980s and early ’90s), the theme essentially throws back to the Mcdonald’s drive-in origin story. Though, instead of milkshakes and hamburgers, customers can now order popping boba slushies and spicy queso sandwiches.
And it’s a drive-thru only. There is no indoor dining room, outdoor seating or walk-up window. There are also no restrooms, important for a beverage concept, but you are welcome to visit the Mcdonald’s next door, said a Cosmc’s employee.
When you drive up, you’ll see four lanes lanes with jumbo menu screens and speakers where you order and pay. The service staff was excellent and surprisingly energetic given the onslaught of opening-day orders.
What’s different is that you’re asked to wait at the speaker until your order is ready. The screen displays a red stop sign, until it changes to green with your pickup window number. My order was shockingly fast, about five minutes for 15 items. Friday morning, however, an order with only three items took nine minutes.
After you cruise by the glass front building that looks into the open kitchen, you can park in the small lot to eat, but very few customers did on opening night. In fact, I was the only one who did so for nearly an hour.
So how did it all taste? Cosmc’s offers a thought-provoking futuristic restaurant experience that’s not quite present in flavor. I ordered from every
menu category, including six drinks, the stars of this trippy new experience.
The one must-order item at the moment may be the Chai Frappé Burst, a blended ice drink poured over popping brown sugar boba and finished with whipped cream and cinnamon sprinkles. It’s a beautiful cross-cultural moment in a cup, aromatic with perfect bubble tea pearls.
A turmeric-spiced latte was also terrific, with espresso, gingery syrup and black pepper sprinkles. There doesn’t seem to be any turmeric, though, according to the ingredients. But that’s like its ubiquitous cousin the pumpkin spice latte, which
doesn’t have pumpkin, just the spice.
The spicy queso sandwich, however, with a fluffy omelet, sausage patty, two cheeses and jalapeno chips on a small brioche bun, had me wondering, where’s the spicy and where’s the queso? Once I found the breaded jalapeno chips, which slid to the back, they delivered a nice kick and were the best thing about an otherwise bland breakfast sandwich.
A creamy avocado tomatillo sandwich, with egg, white cheddar and the thinnest cut bacon on brioche, didn’t fare much better with its runny green sauce. The Popping Pear Slush, a prickly pear-flavored drink topped with whipped cream and popping candy, lacked much of any flavor, but the Pop Rocks-inspired carbonation was fun.
A s’mores cold brew, finished with toffee sprinkles, revealed one of my big pet peeves: Don’t call it s’mores unless it has at least the flavors of toasted marshmallow, melted chocolate and graham crackers. This had none of those.
But that wasn’t nearly as bad as the most highly touted of the so-called Signature Galactic Boosts, the Sour Cherry Energy Burst. It promised a tart cherry slush over fruity popping boba and an energy shot. I detected no sour nor cherry, just a black hole of syrupy sweetness. The bursting bubbles were the only saving grace.
Savory hash brown bites, however, won for the most insulting menu item. Four pieces for $2.39 — that’s about 60 cents for each limp piece of former potato. What’s so puzzling is that Mcdonald’s hash brown, with its crunchy crust, is one of the great fast-food items.
The Tropical Spiceade teased with hotpink sweet heat lemonade topped with dried dragon fruit, but the fruit itself is mildly flavored at its best, which was not evident here. An employee wearing a Cosmc’s branded yellow puffer jacket said it was her favorite beverage because it was an “Instagrammable moment.”
But the caramel fudge brownie and blueberry lemon cookie sundae ended my tasting on a nice, sweet note. And the Mcpops exceeded expectations. They’re small, soft doughnuts filled with Nutellalike chocolate hazelnut cream, Biscoffstyle cookie butter or apple cinnamon.
Cosmc’s is a compelling look at what we perceive as a restaurant. Right now it’s nothing more than four drive-thru lanes and a box building with a front window that offers a glimpse into a kitchen that could be from a nostalgic past or a bright future — sometime when we hoped robots would take over the hard work for humans, and not humanity. Let’s hope for the former, and a better menu.