Teachers can’t recall everyone

DEAR ABBY: I have been teaching for 30 years in the same school district. I can’t tell you how many times 30- to 45-year-old men have come up to me and said, “You don’t remember me, do you?” When they were in elementary school, they were not sporting facial hair and didn’t have receding hairlines. Still, I feel bad not being able to make their day by spouting off their first and last names.

All of my students are special to me. However, although some of these men attended my school, not all of them were in my classroom. I’m flattered they recognize me, but what’s the best way to respond in a situation like this?

Also, could you give your readers some suggestions about how to approach former educators so we won’t have to rummage frantically through the file cabinets of our brains trying to decide which child from the past this grown-up might be? — STRUGGLING TO RECALL IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STRUGGLING: When someone approaches you and says, “You don’t remember me, do you?” an appropriate response would be, “Refresh my memory!” Said with a smile, it shouldn’t be offensive.

This potentially embarrassing problem can be avoided if the former student simply says, “Mrs. Jones, it’s so nice to see you. I’m ‘John Smith’ and you were my teacher in 1991.”

DEAR ABBY: I’m 17 and have been best friends with “Alana” for five years. We do everything together. We like the same things, and we’re so close that we finish each other’s sentences. She’s like a sister to me.

However, the difference between us is that Alana gets crushes on boys that never work out, whereas multiple boys have liked me. After each crush falls through, Alana says her life is awful and it must be her fault. When I try to tell her it’s not her fault and she’s a wonderful person, she ends the conversation.

It hurts me to see her upset, but sometimes I feel lost about what to do. What can I do to help my friend know she’s a beautiful person inside and out, and she doesn’t need a boy to be happy? I love her and just want her to be OK. — BEST FRIENDS IN RANCHO PALOS VERDES, CALIF.

DEAR BEST FRIENDS: Until Alana learns for herself that she doesn’t need a boy to be happy, she will continue developing crushes that don’t work out. Boys are attracted to girls who appear to be happy and confident, and your friend appears to be neither. Much as you might like to, you can’t fix this for her. But once she finally gets the message, she will probably realize that someone she never took the time to notice has a crush on her.