THE LIGHTER SIDE

God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

GOP candidate Rand Paul slammed the Clinton Foundation for taking millions in contributions from human rights abuser the Sultan of Brunei. He pointed out that adulterers are stoned to death there. Every time Bill Clinton hears there’s a rock concert in Brunei, he’s grateful it’s not him this time.

Tulsa police confirmed that they found a body in the back seat of an SUV in a Wal-Mart parking lot, which they say sat there for a month. The body will be buried at public expense. Wal-Mart says that, while horrifying, it still points to the company’s everyday low prices and layaway plans.

Hillary Clinton told another whopper, informing Iowans that her grandparents emigrated to America. Only one did, and it was so brutal. Her grandfather Hugh Rodham arrived in the U.S. from England, and, after settling in Connecticut, he was twice penalized two strokes for slow play.

Harlem Congressman Charlie Rangel told the Huffington Post that tea partiers should not be offended after he called them crackers, saying it’s a term of endearment. Can’t we just get along? If you’re white and offended by being called a cracker, your consolation is that you get to run everything.

Al-Qaida of the Arabian Peninsula fighters seized a key seaport in Yemen, threatening Western citizens and Western interests there. U.S. citizens have begun evacuating the country. President Obama said we have al-Qaida on the run and if they beat us to the airport, there’s no way out of Yemen.