Daughter dreads visit to parents
DEAR ABBY: I gave birth to a baby girl two months ago. I have a wonderful husband and my in-laws are incredible. We live far away from both sides of the family. My mom is a former cocaine and prescription pain meds addict. Her addiction diminished her mental capacities. It’s difficult to relate because she only talks about her health issues and all her medications. When Mom recently came to visit us after two years apart, I realized we have nothing in common. She and my dad are still married. Dad has yet to meet my child. I’m supposed to visit them for the holidays, but I’d rather spend it with my inlaws. Any suggestions? — NOTHING IN COMMON IN HAWAII
DEAR NOTHING IN COMMON: Sometimes we do things we would rather not, because they are the right thing to do. Your father is making the best of a difficult situation and your mother is working to overcome a serious illness, addiction. Make the scheduled visit you promised. Give your dad the chance to meet his grandchild. After that, if you decide to permanently distance yourself from your parents, it will be your choice, but you may change your mind.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, “Jack,” is funny, unique and generally sweet. I’m currently on disability and working hard to get myself healthy enough to work again. The problem is, Jack thinks I do nothing all day. When I worked, we used to trade massages to make each other feel relaxed because our jobs were physically demanding. Now, because I’m not working, he says it’s my job to help him relax. I give him a massage every night, but it’s never reciprocated. When I ask him for one, he acts like it’s a chore. I no longer feel loved or special. I worry if I stop, we will have no physical contact. What is the best way to let him know I’m tired of it? — RUBBED THE WRONG WAY IN MINNESOTA
DEAR RUBBED THE WRONG WAY: Jack doesn’t sound “sweet” to me. Because you feel this way, tell him how his change of behavior affects you. Touch is important because it helps partners to stay connected. Is Jack’s unwillingness to give you massages is “punishment” because you’re not contributing financially? Tell him you miss the closeness you once shared, and you wouldn’t treat him this way. Suggest a compromise because your partnership is not equal now.