Pal’s comment stings traveler
DEAR ABBY: I recently went on a cruise with several other women. I was friendly with one of them, but didn’t know the others.
I am overweight. One of the other women, “Dolores,” was also overweight, heavier than me, in fact. She’s very proud of being Christian, but she made the comment, in front of several other people, that she didn’t mind going places with me because with me around she didn’t feel so fat.
I was so stunned I remained silent. Actually, I was afraid that if I spoke I’d say too much, but I felt very hurt and ashamed. Even though I have tried to ignore it, this has bothered me for months and I don’t know what to do.
Should I say something to Dolores or continue to ignore it? I don’t really want to be friends with her now because I don’t know what kind of snide remark may come out of her mouth next. And I certainly don’t want to go anywhere with her again. — TAKEN ABACK IN TEXAS
DEAR TAKEN ABACK: When mankind was created, a delete button should have been installed at the end of our tongues. However, it’s possible our creator thought common sense would suffice. Obviously, Dolores was elsewhere when it was handed out.
While her comment was tactless, it says far more about how she feels about herself than it does about you. Because this is bothering you, I don’t think it would be at all out of line for you to tell her how hurtful her comment was.
DEAR ABBY: Call me ungrateful, but I am very uncomfortable receiving gifts. How can I get longtime friends to stop bringing hostess gifts when I invite them over? I don’t need anything, and I resent feeling I am obligated to take something to them, too.
Why do women do this and men not feel so compelled? I have tried remarking, “The present of your ‘presence’ is present enough,” but it continues. I need your help. — UNGRACIOUS IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNGRACIOUS: Women usually bring hostess gifts because they were raised to believe it is the gracious thing to do. (“Don’t come empty-handed.”) Since “remarking” hasn’t gotten your message across, you will have to be more direct with your friends. TELL them that when they visit, you would prefer they bring only themselves and nothing more. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.