Tell son addicted mom is sick

DEAR ABBY: My stepson just turned 7. My husband was granted custody because the mother was declared unfit due to her drug abuse. She was granted supervised visits until she can pass two consecutive drug tests.

Over the last year and a half, her visits have become fewer. My husband and I think it would be a good idea for “Tony” to start seeing a therapist again. He doesn’t talk about his mother often, and I’m worried he may be bottling up a lot of his feelings.

Tony is starting to ask more questions about his mom — like why he can’t stay the night with her, why he can’t live with her, and why he hasn’t seen her much lately.

Is it time to explain the situation to him? He is still so young, and I don’t know how to explain things in a way he would understand. If you were me, what would you do? — STEPMOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR STEPMOM: You and your husband are wise to want to prevent problems before they happen. If I were in your situation, I would talk to Tony’s therapist, explain what’s going on, and ask for pointers regarding his questions and his behavior.

My instinct would be to tell the boy that his mother doesn’t see him because she is sick. It’s the truth. When he’s older, he will need to know that there may be an inherited predisposition to addiction in his family — but for now that can wait. Definitely contact the therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I will be receiving some money from a court settlement soon. Only five friends were true friends and stood by me. They assisted me during the two years I was totally destitute. They all know I’m involved in a lawsuit and that I will receive compensation.

My question is, should I tell them how much I’m getting? I don’t like to lie, but the idea of revealing my monetary status makes me uncomfortable. I never promised any of them money, so that’s not an issue. I will cheerfully compensate them all for their loyalty in ongoing daily ways.

What should I do or say when they ask how much I received? — UNCERTAIN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: The amount you will be receiving is really nobody’s business. It would not be rude to say that you’d prefer not to discuss it because it makes you uncomfortable, and change the subject.