Family’s desertion makes wife’s troubles worse
DEAR ABBY: I recently realized I have a fairweather family. My husband got in trouble with the law and is now in a drug treatment facility. This had been hard on me, but I love him.
His crime was being in possession of illegal drugs that were intended only for himself. His family has turned their backs on us. My family will invite me to family functions, but if I mention him, they walk away. I have been feeling very alone and isolated throughout this entire process.
Today I went for my follow-up OB-GYN appointment and was referred to an oncologist for further testing and treatment. I don’t even want to tell my family. I spoke with one close friend who said my parents and siblings have a right to know what is going on, but I feel differently.
I think families should support each other through everything. They don’t get to pick and choose. What do you think? — DOING THIS ALONE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DOING THIS ALONE: I know you are angry with your relatives, but if you think you will be punishing them by keeping your diagnosis to yourself, you won’t.
I agree with your friend that your family should be told what’s going on with you, not because they have a right to know, but because you may at some point need their help.
DEAR ABBY: In the past, you have printed letters about neighbors taking food to people who are grieving. I recently lost my wife of 57 years. Her death was unexpected. I ended up with a refrigerator and freezer overflowing with so much food I could not eat it all. Trust me, at a time like this, you aren’t hungry.
May I offer an alternative to cooking food and taking it over, especially if the recipient lives alone? Call the person and invite him or her to dinner at your home, or ask what night you could bring dinner over and have supper with the individual.
Speaking from firsthand experience, for me the worst time of day (besides bedtime) is being alone at dinner when daylight fades. What’s hard is the emptiness of the house — the sense of isolation.
About two weeks after the funeral, a couple of dear friends invited me over for dinner and games. They understood what a difference it would make in helping me cope with a great loss. And bless my daughter and “son-inlove” for their insistence that I have dinner with them every Sunday, at a minimum, with their family. — GRATEFUL IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR GRATEFUL: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife, and thank you for taking the time to point out how important companionship can be for people who are grieving.
DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer a word of encouragement to young boys who are short in stature: All your life, you will hear thoughtless remarks about your height. “He’s short. That’s so sad. It will hold him back in life. He’ll have trouble with girls,” and so on. Don’t listen to it!
I am now a senior citizen. Not once has being short held me back from anything I wanted in life — relationships, money, career, friends and respect. Other people may have stereotypes, but do not let them control your goals and dreams. You can have whatever you want in life, so go for it! — MIKE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR MIKE: There is no height requirement for success. As I write this I am thinking of Prince, Elton John, Michael J. Fox, Kevin Hart, Danny DeVito and every jockey who races for the Triple Crown. Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.