Wedded bliss can start in a courtroom

Judges may enjoy weddings, but it’s important for the ceremony to fit the couple

“Love is all you need.” — The Beatles

When I first took the bench in 2003, I discovered that I had the legal authority to officiate at marriage ceremonies. This was a pleasant surprise, given the sometimes grim and depressing nature of my job. Over the years, I have performed hundreds of marriage ceremonies.

Normally, I perform these ceremonies during the week in my chambers or in the courtroom. Security will allow you to bring cameras and we can usually accommodate other special requests.

Most of the marriages here at the courthouse involve people who want a small quiet wedding with just a few family members and friends. It may involve someone in the military who has been called to duty and the couple wants to get married before deployment. It might be an older couple, both of whom have been married before.

Whatever the case may be, it is an honor to officiate at such an important occasion.

As might be expected, I have many memories, mostly funny.

Once, a police officer asked me whether I would perform the ceremony for his fiancé and him. I said yes and then started telling people that I was going to “marry Officer So-and-So.” The officer approached me one day and respectfully requested that I quit using those exact words.

Another time a very, very pregnant bride and her groom arrived in my courtroom. Before I could even begin the ceremony, the mother of the bride started yelling at me, “Hurry! Hurry!”

And then there was the non-English speaking bride and groom who spoke only Spanish. The bridesmaid said she could interpret the vows from English into Spanish for the couple. I asked her to tell the couple to hold hands. She turned to them and yelled, “HOLD HANDS!”

I could have done that. I called for the court interpreter.

One important lesson I have learned is that a civil marriage ceremony officiated by a judge at the courthouse is much different from a formal wedding at a large venue.

In the movies, elaborate weddings always have an elderly gray-haired man or woman in resplendent robes performing the ceremony. He or she smiles wisely and says all the right things as he or she artfully guides the happy tearful couple through a beautiful spectacle.

I worry that my wedding ceremonies have all the romance of tense contract negotiations.

Wedding ceremonies call for a professional. This is no time for an amateur! Your guests will want the drama, the beauty and the memories only a professional officiate can provide and which you deserve.

Some judges, I am sure, measure up to the challenge of a formal wedding ceremony. I am not one of them.

One time I had to stand on a little box during a very large and formal ceremony which lasted about 45 minutes. I thought I was going to pass out. My knees were knocking so hard I imagined the whole congregation could hear them. My only thought was that if I fainted, none of those people would ever vote for me again.

In all seriousness, I am happy to perform civil ceremonies in my chambers or the courtroom. It is part of my duties as a public servant. In fact, every Valentine’s Day, Metropolitan Court sponsors a “Wedding Central” event and our judges volunteer to marry all of the many couples who want to get married specifically on February 14.

However, for any couple who wants a large and especially romantic ceremony, I would recommend hiring a professional officiate. You will receive the ceremony you want and deserve.

If you ask a judge to perform your ceremony, be really clear with the judge about whether you envision a small informal ceremony or a big formal one. Then let the judge decide whether she or he is comfortable officiating at it.

Many years ago, I officiated at a beautiful wedding ceremony in the home of the bride’s family. It was right around Christmas. It was in the evening and it was snowing and cold outside. Inside, there were lots of family and friends. The entire house was lit only by candles. I performed the ceremony with my back to a cozy fire in the fireplace.

As I had the couples recite their vows, no one could see my hands shaking and my knees wobbling in the candlelight. Talk about the perfect wedding!