Love comes too soon for new divorcee

DEAR ABBY: I’m a recent divorcee who has started dating again. I have been seeing this guy — also divorced — for a few months, and he recently told me he loves me. There’s definitely a mutual attraction, but I’m not ready for love again, which we’ve discussed in great detail.

When I ask him why he loves me, he can’t answer specifically. His usual reply is something along the lines of, “I just do.” I can’t help but think maybe he doesn’t really love me if he can’t explain why. Am I overthinking this? Is our relationship moving too fast? What should I do? — NEW TO THIS IN IDAHO

DEAR NEW TO THIS: Take your time and continue getting to know this man. Do not let yourself be rushed into any commitment for which you are not ready. Divorce can be painful and leave one or both partners feeling a lack of self-esteem.

Because he seems unable to put his feelings into words, instead of asking him why he loves you, let him demonstrate the depth of his love for you through his actions. Time will tell if he is sincere.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of seven years has always placed Wife No. 1 (I’m his second) on a pedestal. He often calls her to drive him to doctors’ appointments, take care of his finances — he even puts some of our bills in her name.

He also talks to her about our marital problems and what we do in the bedroom. I feel like second string here.

I’m the mother of his children and I have always stood by him. I even made an extra effort to befriend the ex, only to find out she used it to her advantage to get more buried into our personal lives.

What can I do about this situation? I’m ready to call it quits, but I’m concerned that the two of them will make me out to be a selfish monster for wanting to come first or for leaving. Please help me. — FED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: I’ll try. Draw the line and offer your husband the option of seeing a licensed marriage counselor. If he refuses — and he probably will — get some counseling without him.

While you are there, describe your husband’s continued involvement with his ex and discuss whether being unable to tolerate this “marriage of three” means you are “selfish.”

Frankly, I don’t understand how you have tolerated it this long.