Sister’s fixation isn’t healthy
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been with my boyfriend, “Jake,” for two years. We are both 32. Since the beginning, his sister, “Michelle” (who is 26), has never liked me. Jake admits there’s no reason for it. He thinks she’s just looking out for him because he’s had bad relationships in the past.
Michelle makes me very uncomfortable during family events by making rude comments, and she makes a point of excluding me from any event she is hosting. She has told people that I “shoved her” and accuses me of refusing to let her talk to her brother. Neither is true.
I have asked Jake to ask his sister to apologize and make amends, but he insists she’ll do it when “hell freezes over.” He thinks I should try to make amends even though I have never done anything wrong.
I’m at a loss. I don’t think I should apologize for something I’ve never done. Abby, she has belittled me in any encounter we’ve had. The rest of the family shrugs and says, “That’s just the way she is.” Michelle has never liked any of Jake’s girlfriends, so this seems to be a pattern for her. I’m afraid it will eventually lead to the end of Jake’s and my relationship.
I love him very much, and I wish he could see my side on this. Could you please give me some advice, Abby? — NOT MY FAULT IN ALBERTA, CANADA
DEAR NOT MY FAULT: Michelle’s fixation on her brother isn’t normal or healthy. That Jake has been willing to tolerate it and not warn her to knock it off means that as long as you are with him, you will be subjected to her mistreatment. You may love Jake, but as long as he is under the thumb of his jealous and possessive sister, you will continue to be abused and maligned. My advice is to cut your losses.
DEAR ABBY: I am an African-American woman who was in a relationship with a Hispanic man. I am now a single parent of a beautiful 6-month-old son who is my pride and joy.
My biracial son, who looks exactly like me, is very fairskinned. My problem is, strangers feel the need to ask me rude questions. I have been asked about my child’s father’s ethnicity, and asked if I was baby-sitting someone else’s child. I’m left flabbergasted and speechless. What should I say the next time a stranger asks about my son’s race, which is none of their business? — COLORBLIND IN TEXAS
DEAR COLORBLIND: It’s normal for people to be curious. If I were you, I wouldn’t tell them it’s none of their business because if you do, you will come across as angry and defensive. When your son is older, it may make him wonder if there is something wrong with his appearance. A better way to handle it would be to matter-offactly just tell the truth and move on.
DEAR ABBY: I noticed a very attractive woman coming out of the library. She was wearing a soft, feminine short skirt. I wanted to compliment her, so I walked over and said, “I love your skirt — it looks so pretty.” She said, “Thank you. You made my day!”
We had a great conversation for several minutes, after which we went our separate ways. Afterward I was kicking myself because I didn’t ask for her phone number. It felt good to know that my compliment made her feel pretty.
Do most women appreciate compliments about their clothing? I wouldn’t want to make a woman feel uncomfortable. But it brightens my day when I can compliment someone. — LARRY IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR LARRY: It has been my experience that not only do most women appreciate a compliment, so do most men. If it brightens your day to offer one, go ahead and do it. And if someone has a problem with that, do not make it YOUR problem.