Being on both sides of house purchase can be challenging

Q: I’m selling my house and buying another one. We just finished inspections and I feel we’re compromising at every turn. The buyer on my house wants everything fixed and the seller on the house I’m purchasing doesn’t want to fix anything. What do I do? A: I know it’s a difficult time and there’s not really a simple answer. You are in a unique position because you’re experiencing being a buyer and seller at the same time. On the one hand, you know how it feels to be a buyer. You want the house you’re buying to be in great condition with everything working perfectly and to not have to do any work. On the other hand, you’re a seller. You don’t want to spend too much money, and you can’t understand why your buyer is expecting so much. Hopefully, this experience will allow you to have some compassion for the various parties with whom you’re negotiating, but it’s also easy to feel you’re the only one making any sacrifices. I assure you, your counterparts are agonizing just as much and they too feel they’re coming to the table with more than they had planned.

A mediator once told me he knew he had negotiated a good deal when neither party was happy. In other words, if everyone has to make more concessions than they wanted, then the best deal has probably been negotiated.

So, while I can’t tell you what to do and how to negotiate your contracts, if possible, separate the two transactions. They are linked only by the fact that you’re involved in them. But just because you’re having to give up on getting some repairs you wanted on your new house doesn’t mean you should punish your buyer, or vice-versa. Look at each situation separately and negotiate to best of your abilities without losing the deal. (That is, unless you’re OK losing the deal, and waiting for a new buyer and a new house.) On your sale, think about what you’re willing to spend on repairs and make that offer in a way that satisfies the biggest concerns of your buyer. Use the empathy you’ve recently developed and think about how you would want to receive your house. On your purchase, think about how frustrated you were when the buyer asked for everything to be fixed and try to find some things you can take on yourself. Focus on the important items and ask for those to be repaired or for financial consideration to repair them yourself.

However you decide to move forward, remember the ultimate goal is to move into your new house. Stay focused on that and the answers will fall into place.