Daughter’s pets leave mess at mom’s house

DEAR ABBY: When my daughter and her family come to visit, they are very messy. They have a 3- and a 4-year-old and two large, long-haired dogs. I can deal with the children’s messiness — but the dogs, no.

I agreed to let them bring their dogs if they cleaned up after them, but it hasn’t happened. The dogs shed terribly. The hair needs to be vacuumed daily. They don’t practice it at home and don’t do it here, even after being told the dog hair is everywhere in my house.

We are 70 and active, but a lot of cleaning must be done when they leave. I especially don’t like it around food. I told my husband I have decided to tell them they can no longer bring their dogs here. He goes around and tries to clean up after them so I won’t get upset instead of letting them take responsibility. He says he’s afraid they will quit coming.

Abby, they don’t pick up after themselves at all. In their home, clothes are thrown everywhere on the floor. They are in their 40s and should know better. I feel they have no respect for us or the way we choose to live. Must I keep my mouth shut to keep the peace, like my husband says? I told him to speak up, but he won’t. This is physically and emotionally wearing on me. — DRAINED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DRAINED: How your daughter and son-in-law choose to live in their own home is their business, as long as the disarray doesn’t endanger the health of their children. Because you agreed to let them bring their dogs over on the condition that they vacuum up any hair their animals shed and they failed to comply, you are within your rights to tell them their pets must be left at home. Your house, your conditions. Messy grandchildren, yes. Messy dogs, no.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby girl, our first. We both work fulltime, but my husband is gone nights and weekends and I’m the primary parent at home with our daughter.

Something has been bothering me since my daughter came along. My in-laws have never once told me I’m doing a good job as a mother. I’m critiqued every time they come over, whether it be that her hands are too cold, her room is too warm or her nails are too “sharp.”

They compliment my husband repeatedly, and he’s the first to give all the credit to me, but I feel like they don’t think I’m doing a good job and it makes me feel bad. Am I being too sensitive? — CRITICIZED ALL THE TIME

DEAR CRITICIZED: It is possible that in making these comments, your in-laws are simply trying to be helpful. Instead of regarding them as criticism, take them under consideration.

However, if your hurt feelings persist, you — or your husband — should point out to his parents that in trying to be helpful, they have forgotten to be supportive, and mention some of the things you are doing right.