Bluesman’s wife feels unloved, unprotected
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Ray,” and I have been together for 10 years and we have had our ups and downs. Ray is a professional musician, so I spend a lot of time supporting this, by promoting his endeavors or accepting the fact that I will always come second to his first love — the blues.
A couple of gigs ago, Ray played at an outdoor festival. So there I sat, in the rain, in the dark, watching the show. Three men approached where I was sitting and stood in a circle around me watching the show. Attendance was sparse due to the weather, so it seemed strange they stood so close to me. It made me uneasy, but I have been in similar situations since being with Ray, so I didn’t think much about it.
At home later that night, while I was unwinding and listening to Ray complain about his fingers, I mentioned the three men. He said he thought it was a little odd, too. This led me to ask, hypothetically, what he would do if he were on stage and I was being attacked. He said he would put his guitar in its stand, go to the microphone and ask for assistance for me. He wouldn’t throw the guitar down and rush to my aid!
I couldn’t believe his response. I feel completely alone and unloved. I don’t know what to think or what to do. Any advice you could give me would be greatly appreciated. — FACE IN THE CROWD
DEAR FACE: You are neither alone nor unloved, and I seriously doubt your husband’s response to your hypothetical question was an indication that he doesn’t love you. It’s possible that he was afraid he would not be able to adequately protect you, and that Security could deal with the three men more effectively than he could. Bear in mind that if the real thing were to happen, he might react very differently.
Because you are fearful, plan ahead. Carry pepper spray when you attend his performances.
DEAR ABBY: My co-worker, “Sara,” comes to work drunk. After I reported it to my supervisor, “Ben,” Sara stopped for a while, but now she has started again. Sara has not been doing her job correctly. Ben is now asking me to sign a statement about it. I don’t want to get her in trouble. But I’m scared that she’s going to get hurt at work or while driving. Please help! — DANGER IN THE WORKPLACE
DEAR DANGER:
Your friend needs some kind of intervention. Some companies have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which might enable Sara to get the professional help she needs. An EAP is a voluntary, work-based program that offers free and confidential assessments, short-term counseling, referrals and follow-ups to employees who have personal and/or work-related problems.
Before you sign the statement, find out if your company offers this program and if your supervisor will make it available to Sara. She’s already in trouble, and this may be the solution.