Friend of boss put in a bind
DEAR J.T. & DALE: My daughter is doing a summer internship at my company. She is in a different department. She recently confided that the employees in her department say terrible things about the owner. I was shocked. Our whole family is friends with the owner outside of the office, but the employees obviously don’t know that. Should I tell him about his rude employees? My daughter doesn’t want me to say anything, but I think I should. — Rich
J.T.: What can be gained from telling the owner that his employees talk rudely about him? He seems satisfied with their work. I doubt he cares what they say about him as long as they do their jobs.
Dale: On the other hand, Rich wouldn’t be deliberating the issue if he worked for some flinty, uncaring owner. And employee attitudes matter — it’s one thing to ignore the typical wisecracks about the boss, but it’s another to ignore a culture of criticism.
J.T.: Agreed. However, say you tell the owner, who then does something about it; you’ll still be working there and will be the one to blame. Instead, this might be an opportunity for your daughter to have an impact. When your boss/ friend asks her what she thought of the internship experience, she could say: “I learned a lot. One surprise was how negative some co-workers tended to be.” If he asks in what way, her honest assessment will give him something to think about. After all, if an intern is picking up on it, who else could the negativity be affecting?
Dale: Then we’re agreeing that the owner needs to know. And he probably needs to hear some specifics. Perhaps he’ll have HR investigate. Maybe he’ll learn that there’s one employee who’s poisoning the well, but it’s more likely he’ll be forced to realize that he needs to do a better job as a leader. This is a chance for him to improve his skills, and for you to be a true friend.
Dear J.T. & Dale: I recently was let go from my job for “destruction of company property.” What happened is that I got frustrated and kicked a door. I did not break the door; I left a boot mark. I had never had any disciplinary problems of any kind before this, and I am not a “hothead.” So how do I answer the “why I got fired” question? — Devin
J.T.: We’ve all had those moments of anger and frustration, but employers are rightly worried about the liability of someone who can’t control it. You are wise to think carefully about how you explain what happened. I’ve always found that honesty is the best approach. The key is to be objective about what happened. Explain the facts without blaming anyone. Then be accountable for your actions by discussing how this has affected you and what you would do differently next time. You might say something like: got extremely overwhelmed one day at work. I took my frustration out on a door by kicking it once. I’ve never done that before, and I truly regret it. Now I’m trying to find an employer who will let me get back to work so I can put this behind me. I can assure you this won’t happen again, because I don’t want to have to deal with the embarrassment of losing my job and explaining why to others.”
Dale: Well said. You might even consider going a bit further and edging into a Serena Williams Apology Brag. That name comes from the time the tennis player aimed a tirade at a line judge — looming over the woman and threatening to take the tennis ball and “shove it down your (bleep) ing throat” — then later “apologizing” by blaming it on being overly passionate, saying, “I am a person of great pride, faith and integrity, and I admit when I’m wrong.” In your case, Devin, you’d say something about being too passionate about making your deadlines, and how you’ve learned from your mistake, knowing you need to channel your commitment and passion into better planning and better teamwork.
Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a professional development specialist and the founder of the consulting firm jtodonnell. Dale Dauten resolves employment and other business disputes as a mediator with AgreementHouse.com. Please visit them at jtanddale. com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 300 W. 57th St., 15th Floor, New York, NY 10019.