Left unattended, desk mate’s cellphone reveals job search

DEAR J.T. & DALE: My co-worker and I share a desk. She recently left her phone on it while she went to the kitchen. I saw a text alert for a job opening. I had no idea she was looking for a new job. My feelings are hurt. We started here together, and I assumed she’d tell me if she wanted to leave. Should I confront her? — Milla

J.T.: If you confront her, she’ll know you betrayed her privacy and looked at her phone. The truth is, you don’t know what’s going on. There could be a good reason why she is looking for work. Or, it could be that she’s trying to help out a friend or family member. Regardless, you shouldn’t be upset. More importantly, don’t let it affect your relationship. When the time comes, she’ll reveal what’s going on. And honestly, it’s better for you not to know: You don’t want to be dragged into helping her cover it up from your boss.

Dale: Instead of confronting her, you should be emulating her. Remember: This is the time of ABL — that’s Always Be Looking. So I’m going to go the other way and suggest that you confide in (not confront) your colleague that you innocently discovered her apparent job search. However, don’t do that unless you can give up your hurt feelings and instead approach her with genuine curiosity and enthusiasm. If indeed you learn that she’s looking, see what you can learn. Be encouraging; after all, if she gets a better job, she’ll be in a position to recommend you to the same company. Also, offer to return the favor. Let her know that you’ve awakened to the need to be an ABL careerist, and that you hope to be in a position to help her.

J.T.: So there you have two opinions/options, Milla. Let us know which you pick and how it goes.

Dear J.T. & Dale: I am interviewing and know they are eventually going to ask for references. The problem is, I don’t have any. I can’t let them call my current employer, because they don’t know I’m looking. My previous employer went out of business, and I

didn’t stay in contact with anyone there. What should I do? — Daylen

Dale: I’m glad you asked, Daylen. Many people would have just told hiring managers what you told us, and most of those hiring managers would roll their eyes, thinking: “Blah, blah ... if I hire this guy, he’s going to be an Excuseo-Matic . ... Next candidate!” Yours is a situation that creates a test of you as a job candidate: A good candidate anticipates problems and solves them in advance. (That’s you. Right now.)

J.T.: What you’ll do to pass the test is track down your old colleagues on social media. Don’t be shy; they likely are in a similar position. Simply reach out and say: “I know it’s been a long time, but I was hoping to reconnect. I’m interviewing for a new job, and they want to speak to someone I worked with at our old company. Not sure if you’ve run into this, but since our company no longer exists, it’s a little challenging. Would you be OK being a reference? I understand if you don’t feel comfortable, but if you’d be willing, I would be happy to do the same for you.” The key is to be honest. No one wants an old acquaintance coming back into his or her life bringing a hidden agenda.

Dale: And what if you strike out on reconnecting with someone from that prior job? Then you’ll move out to the next concentric circle of connections — maybe that’s a manager from a parttime job you had while in school, or a colleague from your current job who’s moved on. After that, there’s the next circle — maybe a teacher or minister. The result is that when the references issue arises, you can tell the hiring manager what you told us, then add that you came up with others who can vouch for your character and work ethic. And that changes you from an excuse-maker to a problem-solver. Bang. Test passed.