Monthly bowling outing costs could be shared
DEAR J.T. & DALE: Our department goes out bowling once a month. Our boss picks up the bill. However, I heard the boss make a comment that these events are getting expensive and his wife isn’t happy about it. I told the team, and they said it’s his fault for not getting the company to pay for it. I think that’s wrong, but I certainly can’t afford to pay for everyone.
What’s the right way to handle this? — Kelsey
Dale: You know, Kelsey, there are some battles you just don’t need to fight. Let this play itself out.
J.T.: Or you could pull your boss aside before the next event and say: “I know you are paying for this by yourself, and I don’t think you should. Here is some money to cover the cost of my participation. I’d like to contribute, going forward.” Doing this one-on-one lets you not cause issues with your co-workers, and lets your boss know that you appreciate him.
Dale: However, if he agrees to take the money, now you have the awkwardness of secretly slipping the guy some cash every week. So if you must intervene, you could instead go to the boss and offer to “pass the hat” on bowling nights. Could this cause resentments with your co-workers? Sure. So hope that he turns you down.
J.T.: Better yet, the conversation may give him the confidence to speak up and start asking for a small “participant fee” from each employee.
Dear J.T. & Dale: I was working in a nursing home where I saw unprofessional treatment of patients. I started to address it in writing, but unfortunately I went directly to the person doing the wrong practice. She went to her boss and invented untrue stories about me, then said she’d leave the job if I stayed.
I was asked to leave the building, and I refused. They fired me for insubordination. Could you help me figure out how to explain this termination? Should I say that when I explained everything to the unemployment office, they decided to pay my benefits? — Talia
J.T.: It’s important that you not only share what happened, but that you also take some responsibility for it. Looking back, you realize that addressing the issue with the person didn’t work. Additionally, refusing to leave caused you to be fired for insubordination. In an interview, you’ll want to explain how you would now handle the situation differently. You might say: “This is very hard for me to share. I saw some care I felt was not good for the patients. I spoke up, and the person who was doing the bad behavior went to my boss and made up some stories about me, and I was asked to leave. I didn’t think it was fair and refused to leave, and I got fired for it. I should have gone to the manager instead, and I should have left when asked. I regret that now, and have since learned how to make sure these situations don’t arise anymore.” Hopefully, they’ll hear the sincerity in your voice and give you a second chance.
Dale: I’m on your side here, Talia, but you have to put yourself in the place of hiring managers. They have no way of knowing if your tale of woe is accurate; all they hear is the woe. And it sounds bad: You alienated a senior employee, defied management and ended up reporting it to a government agency. They’ll see as many red flags as are in a Beijing parade. So go minimalist. Just say: “I saw some unprofessional behavior and said something to the nurse involved. She got offended and made it a heror-me situation. I realize now that I should have handled it better.” Then add in J.T.’s suggestions on looking to the future, and you’ll have a good chance of sliding past the issue.