FEBRUARY

... when the Russian scandal claims its first victim, Michael Flynn, who is forced to resign as the president’s national security adviser following revelations that he misled Vice President Mike Pence about discussions he had with Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak. President Trump thanks Flynn for his estimated two hours 35 minutes of outstanding service to the administration, then resumes his laserlike executive concentration on the crucial task of emitting grammatically questionable tweets about fake news.

There actually are a few non-Trump events in February:

■ NASA, in a major scientific discovery, announces that a star system 39 light-years away contains seven Earth-size planets, at least three of which appear to have Starbucks.

■ In the Super Bowl, 57-year-old quarterback Tom Brady leads the New England Patriots to a remarkable comeback victory over the Atlanta Falcons that definitely involved cheating. We just don’t know how yet.

■ In the Grammys, Adele wins Record of the Year and Song of the Year for yet another one of those wrenchingly emotional Adele ballads that make you want to lie down and slit your wrists, or maybe that’s just us.

■ The entertainment highlight of the month comes during the Academy Awards, when Pricewaterhouse Coopers (motto: “The Fidget Spinner of Consulting Firms”) comes up with a brilliant gambit to enliven the 14-hour broadcast by handing Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway the wrong envelope for Best Picture. Hilarity ensues, and Pricewaterhouse Coopers is immediately hired by congressional Republican leadership to develop a strategy for repealing Obamacare.

This focus continues in ...