THE LIGHTER SIDE

God Bless America, and how’s everybody?

The New York Daily News reports that Lindsay Lohan was bitten on the ankle by a venomous snake while in Thailand. First responders were on the scene quickly. The veterinarian did all he could, but the snake died of alcohol poisoning within the hour.

Johnny Manziel got news Friday that he’s just obtained approval to play pro football next year in the Canadian Football League. It’s a different game. Generally speaking, NFL players feel out of place playing in the CFL because they have a tough time adjusting to Canada’s lack of handguns.

Fox News says a man was arrested in Louisiana on Friday after scamming people out of millions via emails claiming be a Nigerian prince in need. I just heard from him. If I send him the bail money, when he gets home he will return me the money I sent him plus 1,000 percent interest.

The Golden Globes will air on NBC next Sunday live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel, put on by the Hollywood Foreign Press Club. Men will be under the gun. They’re going to present a special Golden Globe to comic Louis CK for being the one guy in the business who kept his hands to himself.

USA Today published a survey by the National Distillers Association showing that the average American adult drinks 14 hard liquor drinks per week. That comes to two per night. A year from now, Club USA could have a wall, a door, 20,000 bouncers and a two-drink minimum.