Readers’ perspective on wife’s dilemma
DEAR ABBY: I’m writing in response to “Requires Companionship” (Feb. 7), whose husband has atypical Parkinson’s and she’s considering dating. My wife was diagnosed nine years ago, and she, too, has reached the point where she can no longer walk, write or speak. We have, however, found ways to communicate and spend quality time together.
With the help of our daughters, we found a wonderful senior living place where she is happy. I go to the gym every morning, then visit with her and have lunch. We spend the holidays together with the family at her place.
We are both 81, married 57 years. I, too, am lonely and sad at times, but I want to make sure she is well taken care of and content. As for companionship, I have met some wonderful people at the senior living place, as well as at the gym, which helps with the loneliness.
I know she’d do the same for me. After all, that is what marriage is all about, “in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part.” — JIM IN NEVADA
DEAR JIM: Your letter is inspirational. Your letter, and others I’m including here, may help to put this sensitive subject into perspective:
DEAR ABBY: I am a young 57-year-old woman. My husband has Parkinson’s and brain tumors. We have a son with autism, so I have been a caregiver for more than 30 years of marriage.
To “Requires” I say: Take time for yourself, but do not tell your husband. Enjoy what years you have left and grab some of the happiness you deserve. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are cheating on your husband. The life you had with him was over emotionally and physically long ago. You have given up enough of your life.
Yes, I believe in marriage. But who is going to worry about you? Joining a support group may help, but don’t put yourself on the back burner. You count, too. Good luck and God bless. — SANDRA IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR ABBY: As the daughter of someone with Parkinson’s, I know what it’s like not to be able to talk with a loved one. My mom communicates by writing and using a voice assistance computer.
“R.C.’s” husband didn’t ask for this disease. He is feeling lonely, too, but he is not dead. She should work on developing a different approach to communicating with him. These patients may lose the ability to speak, but not the ability to think clearly and see what is going on around them. — BEEN THERE IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR ABBY: That woman’s husband may have cognitive issues as well as the physical ones. In any case, she has lost the husband she once had. Seeking companionship is normal. So is wanting to be touched and cared for. Six years into this, she has demonstrated loyalty and love. If she is respectful and discreet, taking care of herself will benefit her ability to care for him. Everyone wins. — LOOKING AFTER MYSELF