Time, dis­tance cause friend­ship to fal­ter

Albuquerque Journal - - PUZZLES - Abi­gail Van Buren Con­tact Dear Abby at www. Dear­Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I’m a 15-year-old girl and a sopho­more in high school. Last year I went to school across the coun­try. While I was there, I be­came best friends with this girl, “Amelia.” We did ev­ery­thing to­gether, and Amelia even flew back here to visit my fam­ily when school ended and I had to go home.

It has now been a few months since I’ve seen her, and so much has changed. She doesn’t make time to text or call me hardly ever, and when she does, it’s al­ways a quick con­ver­sa­tion. Be­cause of the time dif­fer­ence and our sched­ules, I get that it’s dif­fi­cult, but shouldn’t she make some time for her best friend?

Amelia and I were as close as sis­ters, and I can’t stand the thought of los­ing her. I have al­ready called her out a few times, and we are good for a few days, but then she goes right back to pre­tend­ing like I don’t ex­ist. I’d rather not call her out again. Any thoughts? — FAR­AWAY FRIEND IN MARY­LAND

DEAR FRIEND: Rather than “call her out,” it’s time to lighten up. Stop try­ing to make Amelia feel guilty for not giv­ing you the at­ten­tion she was able to when you were ge­o­graph­i­cally closer. If there’s one thing I have learned about friend­ships, it’s that they tend to ebb and flow.

Be­cause you now live apart, con­cen­trate on build­ing other re­la­tion­ships with peo­ple close by. This doesn’t mean you can’t re­main friendly with Amelia; it sim­ply means you are ex­pect­ing more from her than she’s able to give you.

DEAR ABBY: The hol­i­days are ap­proach­ing, and with them a prob­lem. I re­cently moved back to my home­town af­ter be­ing away for many years, and I was ea­gerly look­ing for­ward to spend­ing the hol­i­days with my daugh­ter. She has just in­formed me that she’s join­ing a re­li­gion that doesn’t cel­e­brate hol­i­days, not even Thanks­giv­ing or birth­days. I would never stand in the way of her cho­sen path, but I’d still like to be able to in­clude her in fam­ily get-to­geth­ers. I just don’t know how. Any sug­ges­tions?

— MISS­ING HER AL­READY

DEAR MISS­ING HER: Al­though you will no longer be able to cel­e­brate the hol­i­days with your daugh­ter, you and the rest of the fam­ily can still see her and so­cial­ize. Talk to her about it and let her set the ground rules.

As long as you are re­spect­ful, I’m sure she will be glad to give you sug­ges­tions about what you CAN do to­gether.

DEAR ABBY: I haven’t been in a re­la­tion­ship since 1995. Is it true when they say, “Use it or lose it,” and does it hold true for women also? — WANTS TO KNOW IN IN­DI­ANA

DEAR WANTS TO KNOW: I think the an­swer to your ques­tion may de­pend upon what “it” is.

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