Di­vor­cée re­luc­tant to dis­close mar­riage

Albuquerque Journal - - PUZZLES - Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: When I was 18, I mar­ried some­one who, at the time, I loved very much. It hap­pened sort of spur of the mo­ment. Not even six months in, he cheated on me.

I am now 20, di­vorced and fi­nally feel ready to move on. But how do I go about dat­ing at my age be­ing a di­vor­cée? I don’t know how to talk about it. I have friends who don’t even know I was mar­ried. How should I han­dle it? DI­VORCEE IN ILLI­NOIS

DEAR DI­VORCEE: Un­less you are plan­ning to meet men on a dat­ing site that re­quires you to dis­close that in­for­ma­tion as part of your pro­file, I see no rea­son why you have to men­tion it. If you are asked, how­ever, be hon­est about your sta­tus. All you need to say is that you mar­ried, very briefly, at the age of 18, and it didn’t work out be­cause you were both too young. It’s the truth, and there is no shame in it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old fe­male, and I want to know more about my an­ces­tors so I can tell sto­ries about them to my kids. The thing is, my boyfriend doesn’t like the idea, and any­time I say or do some­thing, he crit­i­cizes me about it. He’s also very con­trol­ling and ma­nip­u­la­tive. That’s why I want out for the sake of my life and the kids. I have no money and nowhere to go. What should I do? CRY­ING IN WESTERN WASH­ING­TON

DEAR CRY­ING: I agree the sit­u­a­tion you de­scribe isn’t healthy for you or the chil­dren. If you have no fam­ily to help, you will have to work to­ward in­de­pen­dence in small steps. Con­tact the Na­tional Do­mes­tic Vi­o­lence Hot­line (the­hot­line.org or 800-7997233) for sug­ges­tions on how to dis­en­gage from your abuser (oops! I meant “boyfriend”) with­out any of you be­ing harmed. Then find a job so you won’t be pen­ni­less, and start sav­ing your money.

DEAR ABBY: I feel petty com­plain­ing about this, but my wife has a habit I can’t stand. We keep a stick of but­ter on a but­ter dish. When my wife uses it, in­stead of cut­ting off thin slices, she scrapes her knife across the en­tire top of the but­ter cube, grad­u­ally whit­tling it down. Not only do I find it un­sightly, but I also think it’s un­san­i­tary.

I’m re­luc­tant to bring it up any­more as it is set­tled, in her mind. I have tried us­ing a dif­fer­ent stick of but­ter, which I un­wrap ev­ery time I want to use it, but she crit­i­cizes me for it, say­ing we shouldn’t have two sticks in use.

What do you think about this habit of hers?


DEAR BUT­TER WARS: It seems there is a power strug­gle go­ing on between your wife and you. Be­cause you have ex­pressed to her more than once that you find what she’s do­ing un­ap­pe­tiz­ing, she should re­spect your wishes. How­ever, if she con­tin­ues, she should look the other way when you use your own but­ter stick.


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