Sis­ter sus­pects fi­ance is hid­ing some­thing

Albuquerque Journal - - PUZZLES - Abi­gail Van Buren Con­tact or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest sis­ter started dat­ing a man and they quickly moved in to­gether. Six months into their re­la­tion­ship she got preg­nant and they got en­gaged. Their wed­ding is this sum­mer.

She dis­cov­ered he has been video-chat­ting with some­one he met on­line. He ad­mit­ted to flirt­ing, apol­o­gized and promised that was the end of it. I have a strong sus­pi­cion that there have been other “sit­u­a­tions” my sis­ter is un­aware of.

Should I ex­press my con­cerns to her and sug­gest post­pon­ing the wed­ding? Or should I keep my gut feel­ings to my­self? — BIG SIS­TER IN MAS­SACHUSETTS


Be hon­est with your sis­ter. Whether she will be­lieve it is de­bat­able, but at least she will have been warned. If she does de­cide to stay with him, re­frain from any “I told you so’s.” Rec­og­nize that whether she mar­ries her fi­ance or not, she will for­ever be linked with him be­cause of the baby.

DEAR ABBY: Af­ter my mom passed away, my dad lived alone for three years un­til his death. Dur­ing those years, Mom’s fam­ily not once made con­tact with him or me. Dad lived in a very small town. When he would see Mom’s sis­ter and her hus­band out and about, they would ig­nore him.

Af­ter Dad’s death, my aunt con­tacted me ask­ing if she could have a rock­ing chair that be­longed to my mother. I agreed they could have it. To my shock, when my un­cle ar­rived to pick up the chair, he be­gan ask­ing me about my dad’s be­long­ings. Af­ter mak­ing no at­tempt to con­tact Dad while he was alive, now that he’s gone, my un­cle had the nerve to ask to look through Dad’s things?! I po­litely shut him down.

Since then, my aunt has been bad-mouthing me all over town, telling ev­ery­one I “don’t want any­thing to do with them.” I sup­pose that’s true un­der the cir­cum­stances, but what should I say to set the record straight with­out ap­pear­ing as the bad guy? — “OR­PHAN” IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OR­PHAN: Please ac­cept my sym­pa­thy for the loss of your par­ents, and the un­com­fort­able sit­u­a­tion in which you now find your­self. Mem­o­rize the first para­graph of your letter to me and re­cite it when the sub­ject of your re­la­tion­ship with your aunt and un­cle comes up.

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I want to go to Europe this sum­mer, but we don’t want to take his mother along. We have taken her on two hol­i­days over the last two years and didn’t en­joy ei­ther one. She now ex­pects to go with us, and we don’t know how to tell her we pre­fer to go alone. Please help. — HOL­I­DAY FOR TWO

DEAR HOL­I­DAY: What your hus­band should say to his mother is, “Mom, my wife and I will be go­ing to ______ for a few weeks in early Au­gust. We need an ‘ad­ven­ture’ alone to­gether, so we will not be ask­ing you to join us.” Pe­riod!

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