Family support vital after suicide attempt
DEAR ABBY: A year ago my sister “Jan” started dating this guy, “Miles,” who soon moved in with her. Everyone in our family was welcoming until she started telling us their problems. We thought things between them had improved, but recently Jan tried to take her own life because she could no longer handle the stress.
I admit I had distanced myself from her before this tragedy happened. I haven’t forgiven him, but I realize she’s old enough to make her own decisions and will continue to do so.
I now tolerate Miles because I don’t want to push her away. I almost lost her once in a terrible way, and I refuse to lose her in any other way again. I have worked to have a better relationship with my sister. My husband, on the other hand, refuses to let things go with Miles, and because of it our family is in jeopardy.
I practically beg him to just be cordial so Jan and I can have the ones we love around us in the same room. My husband refuses. He blames Miles for her suicide attempt, even though she has told us repeatedly it wasn’t about him.
I’m stuck and don’t know where to go from here. I just want to be able to have our families together without problems. What do you suggest I do? — STUCK IN THE MIDDLE
DEAR STUCK: Tell your husband that your sister is emotionally fragile and needs all the support she can get. Point out that isolation can be a contributing factor for depression and suicide. If he thinks he is being supportive by blaming Miles for what happened, he is mistaken.
Your husband and Miles don’t have to be “buddies.” Surely your husband is mature enough to tolerate Miles’ presence for a short time during gatherings, if only for your sister’s sake. However, if he isn’t, perhaps he will listen to a suicide prevention counselor, who can explain the importance of family support.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 36 years and have five adult children. We have a loving, caring and mutually supportive relationship.
We recently had dinner at a restaurant, and she became very flirty and familiar with our male server, who was one-third her age and a complete stranger. She complimented him on his handsome looks, his trim waistline and his smooth and reassuring speaking style. I thought she was out of line, and on the ride home, I told her so. She became defensive and angry and said she was only kidding around with him. What’s the best way to avoid this type of dustup in the future? — JIM IN MARYLAND
DEAR JIM: What your wife did was inappropriate. Could she have had one cocktail too many? Because her behavior made you uncomfortable, she owes you an apology. And if this sort of thing happens again, perhaps you should request a female server if possible.