THE LIGHTER SIDE

God bless America, and how’s everybody?

■ Pope Francis marks Eastern Orthodox Christmas Day in a virtual Eucharist service Thursday in which he will serve virtual bread and virtual wine to the Catholic faithful. The Protestants only give you a thimble of grape juice and a tiny cracker. You’d swear you were given dinner by Congress.

■ Los Angeles County Health Department officials announced a record number of COVID cases and scolded people in LA who ignore the symptoms of COVID-19. Last night, I felt I was losing my sense of taste. I heard a Taylor Swift song and it sounded pretty good, so I’m heading to the ER now.

■ Showtime will pay tribute to my mentor and former girlfriend Mitzi Shore in a Comedy Store documentary. One morning I returned from partying all night, and Mitzi made me a cup of coffee and winked at me when she handed it to me. And I’ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.