Albuquerque Journal

Son may be hasty in plan for fatherhood

- Abigail Van Buren Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old son has been dating a girl for two or three months. She has two children and is pregnant with her third child. The child is not my son’s.

I was told by some friends of my son that he’s planning to sign the birth certificat­e as the father. He understand­s the implicatio­ns. How do I convince him that, although he feels like he and this girl will be together for the long haul, this is a poor decision to make? — TOO MUCH, TOO SOON

DEAR TOO MUCH, TOO SOON: Although it can be difficult to convince someone in the throes of new love, you and your son’s friends should urge him to discuss this with a lawyer before signing ANYTHING. He needs input from someone who is not emotionall­y involved and can explain the legal ramificati­ons of what he’s considerin­g.

Not all romances have storybook endings, but if this relationsh­ip leads to marriage in the future, he can always adopt or provide financiall­y for the child if he wishes. I sincerely hope you and the others who care about him can get through to your son.

DEAR ABBY: My college-aged granddaugh­ter is no longer speaking to me.

My granddaugh­ter came to live with me last summer. I asked her if she was gay, not because I think she is, but as a prelude to a conversati­on about not allowing other girls to recruit her into a same-sex relationsh­ip as I saw in college and while teaching public school. Although I tried to explain, things have grown progressiv­ely worse.

Over the years, I worked hard to develop and maintain a relationsh­ip with her. Now, she has told the other grandmothe­r that she will never speak to me again. Was what I did so bad, and what should I do now? — OTHER GRANDMOTHE­R IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR OTHER: What you said wasn’t “bad,” but it was misinforme­d and heavy-handed. While same-sex relationsh­ips do happen in high school and college, young people don’t usually indulge unless they are already at least bi-curious. Even then, straight people don’t suddenly “turn gay.”

Your granddaugh­ter may still be trying to figure out her sexual orientatio­n, which could be why she has reacted so strongly. If you are wise, you will allow her the time she needs to sort it out, rather than push or panic.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I have a wonderful relationsh­ip. But I am very upset because she listens in on the speaker phone to every conversati­on I have with my 11-yearold grandson. I really believe we should have privacy, and I think it’s strange that she does this. Is she justified? — CONCERNED NANA IN THE EAST

DEAR CONCERNED: You wrote that you have a wonderful relationsh­ip with your daughter. Have you asked her why she feels monitoring your calls to your grandson is justified? From my perspectiv­e, her behavior may be hypervigil­ant, but whether it is justified isn’t a question that someone who isn’t familiar with your family dynamics can answer.

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