Allow each other room to grow and change
Just the other day my husband of 38.5 years reminded me of our first date (40 years ago). He asked me to meet him for a drink in a pub in downtown Philadelphia on a Tuesday night before the celebration of MLK Jr. Birthday. I must admit I felt a Tuesday night meant that he was not quite ready for a weekend commitment, but I went anyway. Flash forward and here we are in Albuquerque 40 years later discussing what was the glue that kept us together all these years. I was raised Catholic, he Jewish. Our childhoods, though quite different traditionally, shared the common time frame of growing up in the tumultuous ’60s in a large urban setting.
What we do realize is that we were brought up within loving families who believed in marriage. Driving clear across the country so I could pursue an advanced degree at UNM meant he would have to take yet another bar exam to practice law here while we decided where we would eventually settle. We fell in love with the wide-open spaces of New Mexico and as the saying goes we were struck by the “Land of Enchantment.” I found my best suit was teaching while he managed to create a sole practice as an attorney. We have never regretted our decision to stay.
How do we keep this longlasting love fresh? Well, I would have to say communication, allowing each other room to grow and change and accepting who we are. I have learned to pull back and not try to “change him” or pigeonhole him. We have enough common interests to keep us happy while having the freedom to explore other interests on our own. Now that we are entering our twilight years our lives are taking on a new direction. Retirement challenges us in a different way. How will we spend our time?
The pandemic has given us a taste of what life might be now that we are together more. Adjustments can be made, we have proven to ourselves that we know how to communicate, for the most part, without bringing up sore subjects, to engage in activities that we both enjoy such as bike rides, watching fun shows together or even playing games on occasion. Agreeing to get a mature dog during this time has reminded us of how much fun a good pet can be. The best news I can share is that my husband, for the first time in his life, agreed to snowshoe to a yurt over this past Christmas. This was definitely showing at the age of 69 that he is willing to venture outside his comfort zone to make me happy. I guess I earned that weekend gig from long ago after all.