THE LIGHTER SIDE

ARGUS HAMILTON

God bless America, and how’s everybody?

■ Valentine’s Day is celebrated at home in LA this year, because restaurants, comedy clubs and movie theaters are shut down. This year’s Valentine’s Day is conveniently followed by Presidents Day. This allows you to love each other today, then vote to impeach and remove each other tomorrow.

■ Bruce Springsteen lost his new Jeep commercial after it was learned he was arrested for DWI after he took two shots of tequila with fans after a gig before driving off. I totally get it. Do you have any idea how many women refuse to see you nowadays until you’ve had your two shots?

■ The Census Bureau complained that young adults are not getting married and having kids. At my grocery store in West Hollywood is a product display on Aisle 5 that reads “Compare and Save.” The display advertises a pack of Trojans for $7 and a box of Huggies for $22.