Boy’s punishment too harsh for the offense
DEAR ABBY: When I stopped by my brother’s house a couple of weeks ago, he mentioned that his 9-year-old son was grounded. He was being punished for snooping in his dad’s vintage collection of porn.
At first I was upset with my brother and his wife, because it was their fault that the boy had access to it. But when I found out what his punishment was, I became enraged. Their “brilliant” idea was to make my nephew disgusted with porn by forcing him to look at the entire collection for three hours instead of playing outside.
I was so appalled, I overstepped; I went straight into my nephew’s room and told him he was allowed to go outside and play. Abby, what do you think? — APPALLED IN OHIO
DEAR APPALLED: The child’s punishment was extreme and inappropriate. What you SHOULD have done was point out to your brother and sister-in-law that their punishment may have been counterproductive. Rather than working as aversion therapy, it could result in whetting their son’s appetite for more. You might also have suggested they consult a child psychologist for suggestions on how to deal with their son’s budding sexual curiosity, which is entirely normal, and urged that from now on they keep their collection under lock and key.
DEAR ABBY: I recently met a very nice woman online. She told me about an injury she received a few months ago that has left her with a disability. I’m not bothered by it, and I’d like to get to know her.
I got the impression that she is still coming to terms with what has happened. I have no experience with this, and I have no idea if, from the perspective of dating, it is the right thing to engage someone who is going through this. — TENTATIVE IN INDIANA
DEAR TENTATIVE: Yes, it’s the right thing — but only if you can be supportive and patient during what has to be an extremely emotionally disruptive time in this woman’s life. I am sure she could use a supportive male friend right now, as long as you two can continue to have an open and honest dialogue with each other.
DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old son lives with me for financial reasons, and I love him dearly. He helps with bills and works fulltime. My problem is he wears the same pair of pants for weeks without washing them and hasn’t washed his sheets in months. I didn’t raise him that way. He does shower every night.
He owns only one pair of pants,. I have complained to him about the bad smell. How can I get him to change his ways? — FED-UP MOTHER IN TEXAS
DEAR FED UP: At this point in his life, that may not be possible. It seems strange to me that someone who smells bad could hold a full-time job, but I will take your word for it. The easiest solution to your problem might be for you to wash his bedding every few weeks. As to the fact that he has only one pair of pants, buy him a pair for his next birthday or for Christmas — whichever comes sooner.