Ungrateful daughter resorts to intimidation

DEAR ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter has never worked. She never married but has a 5-yearold son and is expecting. My husband bought a house for her, but she didn’t like it. When he passed away, I bought her a different house.

I footed all the bills on both houses. Since she didn’t like that one either, we put it on the market. I put both our names on that house, thinking that way she wouldn’t be able to take out a loan against it without my knowledge. My daughter wants me to split the proceeds, although she never paid a dime for it. She refuses to sign the closing documents unless I agree.

She has 60 days to move, but I don’t want her to move in with me. If I don’t agree, I’ll never see my grandkids again. She’s been in rehab for drugs and alcohol several times. Should I let her move in? — MOM OF A WOMAN-CHILD

DEAR MOM: It’s time to allow her to do something she should have done 20 years ago: assume responsibility for the life choices she has made. That she would blackmail you after everything you and her father have done for her is despicable. You WILL see your grandkids again. If she can’t provide for them, child protective services will be contacting you. For your own sake and for theirs, be strong. Allow her to suffer the consequences of her actions and do not cave in to her demands.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a car accident in which I broke multiple bones. After surgery, I’m in the process of healing and use crutches to walk. My husband is my caregiver and has taken on all the household chores. I thank him often and appreciate his help.

However, since I’ve become dependent on him like this, he has started criticizing me about my weight, my wardrobe and lack of exercise. He buys our favorite foods, stores them where I can’t reach them and eats them in front of me.

He says he’s no longer attracted to me because of my size and rarely kisses me anymore. I’m hurt by his behavior and can’t understand why he is treating me like this. — SIDELINED IN INDIANA

DEAR SIDELINED: Your husband is acting like this because he is angry. He may blame you for the accident and resent being recast from the role of husband and lover to that of caregiver. Punishing you by withholding affection, criticizing you for being unable to exercise (on crutches, yet!) and consuming your favorite foods in front of you while he’s depriving you of them is abusive.

Tell your doctor what is going on and inquire about respite care for your husband, so he is shouldering less of the burden. Remind him that you won’t always be as dependent as you have been, and you will work on any other issues when you are sufficiently healed. And consider marriage counseling if things don’t improve.