The vet gets a visit from the CIA

I’m residency-trained in veterinary behavior medicine; I have no business venturing into the brains of humans. But, in this case, I did it, anyway.

Looking back on Kendra, it was clear that our effigyplanting, blood gutter knife-displaying, Wicca enthusiast, short-term employee arrived with her own agenda. I don’t believe she was proselytizing her spiritual inclinations; her behavior was attentionseeking. She was good with clients at the desk and helpful in caring for pets such as Princess, the fishhook-swallowing poodle, but her shenanigans had become a serious distraction.

Owning a veterinary hospital was harder work, requiring greater multitasking skills, than I ever imagined. The dogs and cats in our care surely have better outcomes if the entire staff stays focused. After Kendra stalked out the door, we heaved a collective sigh of relief, Amos and Martha wondering aloud, “Who would want to hire somebody like that?” Then, the CIA arrived.

The agent was punctual and impressive. Clad in a snappy navy blue uniform, sporting a shiny gold badge and rather conspicuous heat on her belt, her appearance was arresting. She proffered her business card, took a seat in my office and got right down to business: Kendra Franklin had applied to the agency for employment.

Hoping that this no-nonsense official was a fellow pet-lover, I tried hoisting a feelgood anecdote up the flagpole, recounting the story of Princess and her excellent family. This overture was waved off like so much fluff. The officer immediately drove hard into her questions. I shared Kendra’s good points, but felt the need to be thorough. My recounting of the unsavory episodes was met with disbelief. “Well,” I replied, “I am a taxpayer. You CIA folks need mature, competent personnel. I don’t recommend Kendra for intelligence work.” My interviewer left in a quiet huff.

I was now free to return to my real work. I spayed a dog and a cat, treated a case of vomiting, and consulted on a dog with separation anxiety. I really love veterinary practice, well, most of it, anyway.

For help with behavior problems, sign up for a Zoom Group Conference on my website, drjeffnichol.com.

Dr. Jeff Nichol is a residency-trained veterinary behaviorist. He provides consultations in person and in groups via Zoom (505-792-5131). Each week, he shares a blog and a video to help bring out the best in pets and their people. Sign up at no charge at drjeffnichol.com. Post pet questions on facebook.com/drjeffnichol or by mail to 4000 Montgomery NE, Albuquerque, NM, 87109.