Don’t be the jerk who asks for cash instead of a trip
Dear J.T. & Dale: My company is having a huge off-site retreat at a resort. Our company had a really good year and the owners want to reward everybody by giving them a three-day weekend trip, all expenses paid, families included. While I think it’s a nice gesture, I personally do not want to go on this vacation with my co-workers. I would much rather have the money and do something else with my family. Do you think it’s possible to ask that, if I don’t go on the trip, could I be given money instead? — Colin
DALE: This question comes up every so often and, every time, I experience vicarious resentments. The more I think about it, the hotter I get. If you say to your management, “Can I have the money instead?” they will start, right then, looking for an excuse to fire you. I’d like to come and fire you myself. Asking for the cash is like wearing a T-shirt to the office that says, “Not a team player.”
No, it’s worse, because it’s more of a direct affront. Imagine if you invited a neighbor to dinner and that neighbor said, “Nah, I’d rather not. Why don’t you just give me money for whatever my portion of the dinner would have cost you.”
J.T.: While Dale’s response is, of course, hyperbolic, he’s got a point. If your company wanted to give you the option to have the money instead, they would have. Now, if you have some sort of family engagement that conflicts with the event, then you could at least go to them and explain why you can’t attend. Perhaps, they might offer you some sort of stipend because you couldn’t go.
DALE: Never happen.
J.T.: It’s unlikely. But, my point is that I wouldn’t go and ask if you can have money instead, just because you don’t want to go. Your company is being extremely generous and giving you something they weren’t required to give you as part of your contract. I would either go on the trip and try to make the best of it or accept the fact that you would rather stay home.
Dear J.T. & Dale: My co-worker has an unhealthy obsession with plants. She has them all over her desk and they’re growing like crazy. She’s proud of them and, granted, it is impressive that she has such a green thumb. But her plants are starting to climb over our shared desk and it’s really annoying to me. I don’t think I should have to have them on my side. I’ve asked kindly several times for her to remove them, but they just keep growing. I want to ask to move seats, but I’m worried that she will then get really upset and not talk to me. How can I bring this up without her freaking out? — Kat
J.T.: It sounds like you have not made your dissatisfaction with the situation clear enough. My guess is that you sounded so kind and polite that she didn’t
really register your request. Tell her that you like to keep your desk tidy and that you find the plants distracting. Ask her to move the ones that are creeping over to your side. If she says no, then go to your boss and ask if you can change desks. That way, when you are relocating, your co-worker knows that you truly tried to come to a resolution before asking to be moved. And if she has such an issue that she doesn’t want to talk to you because of this, that’s her problem. You asked politely and she did not accommodate.
DALE: This reminds me of the common situation of a neighbor’s tree growing into your yard. You have the right to trim that tree. And perhaps that suggests a way to make certain that your desk mate gets the message. If she doesn’t adjust her plants, tell her you’re planning to trim them, but you’re giving her the option of doing it herself. Or, better yet, you could just take a deep breath and decide to enjoy them.
Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a career coach and founder of the leading career site www.workitdaily.com. Dale Dauten’s latest book is “Experiments Never Fail: A Guide for the Bored, Unappreciated and Underpaid.” Please visit them at jtanddale.com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 628 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803.