Girlfriend learns the horrible truth
DEAR ABBY: For nearly three years, I have been seeing a man who later asked me to move in with him. He abruptly stopped emailing me four months ago. I waited several weeks and then emailed him, telling him how upset and hurt I was. I found out — NOT from him — that he has been in a relationship with another woman. I am furious and at a loss about what I should do. — SHATTERED IN OREGON
DEAR SHATTERED: The man may have abruptly stopped communicating with you because the woman he has been involved with found out about the romance. Have you heard from him since? It’s important you find a way to discharge some of your righteous anger. Believe it or not, physical exercise can help. Talking to friends or a therapist may also lessen the urge to explode. Learn whatever lesson there is to learn from this and move on. Do NOT let it rule your life.
DEAR ABBY: Without consulting me, my husband gave my father’s U.S. Army uniform to my brother complete with honor patches. My sister-in-law now wears it as a fashion statement. This is not sitting well with me.
I feel it is disgraceful to prance around in something you haven’t earned, and it’s insulting not just to my late father, but to all who have served. Her father also served, but she isn’t wearing his uniform.
— DISRESPECTED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR DISRESPECTED:
Your husband should not have given YOUR brother the uniform without first consulting you because it wasn’t his property to give. What your SIL is doing with it seems less like a fashion statement and more like an example of “stolen valor,” which may be offensive to many people, particularly those who have served. It is not a crime by virtue of the fact that she isn’t impersonating a soldier. But it would be in better taste for her to wear her own father’s uniform.
DEAR ABBY: What’s the best way to deal with an “overgifter”? My friend of 10 years is one, often giving gifts beyond holidays and birthdays. Every time we hang out, she gives me something. I asked her three years ago to tone it down. Two years ago, I sent her a letter saying I value our friendship and, for me, the best gift is quality time.
I throw away all her gifts. They are usually stale or expired foodstuffs or trinkets. I’m trying to find a way to make my boundaries clear. But I don’t want to hurt her feelings. — TOO MUCH IN WASHINGTON
DEAR TOO MUCH: Because your friend may have forgotten, remind her that you do not want her giving these gifts and that the most treasured gift she can give you is time with her. Explain that her continuing to do it is making you UNCOMFORTABLE. Then cross your fingers and hope that this time she gets the message.