Managing hurt feelings; what to do about coworker’s crosswords

Dear J.T. & Dale: I am 28 years old and recently took a senior management position at my company. I beat out several people who are older. The team is pretty upset. When I asked management why I was chosen, they told me it was my depth of knowledge and ability to think quickly. That said, now these co-workers are making my job very difficult. It’s clear they want to see me fail. What can I do to get them back on track? — Terrence

DALE: Let’s start with considering why your employees might feel the way they do. The older a person is, the more likely he or she is to remember a concept called seniority. Anyone under 30 is unlikely to know that there was once a time when promotions and even raises used to be given out mostly according to how long an employee had been at the company. It was a lousy system and led to inertia and, worse, to the Peter Principle (where Laurence J. Peter argued that employees would be systemically promoted until they reached their level of incompetence). These days, promotions go to those with experience, but more so to those with ambition and energy.

J.T.: What to do now? As someone who also was promoted early on in her career, I dealt with this. I found it very important to sit down with employees privately to discuss why they were upset and to see if we could come to an understanding with mutual trust and respect. I would relay what I had been told by management as to why I was chosen and ask them if they agreed or disagreed. I encouraged them to speak honestly. I’d also assure them that my goal was for us to find some common ground or at least to agree to be respectful. I found that these conversations, especially when I stayed calm and sincere, served to make these older workers less angry. The employees were able to vent their frustrations, and oftentimes realized how unfair they were being. All in all, I found that the higher you go up in your career, the more you are going to deal with conflict, and the better you get at resolving it, the more success you will have.

Dear J.T. & Dale: My co-worker takes an hour each day to do the crossword puzzle. She does this on company time. I’ve made comments to her, asking if she is worried about getting caught. She told me “no” because she gets all her work done on time. I would never do this. I was thinking about mentioning it to my boss. Am I making too much of this? — Courtney

DALE: Yes, you are. While it used to be true that you were paid for your time, in this, the Newest New Economy, you are paid for your contribution. It sounds as though she is making hers and, as long as she isn’t getting in the way of others doing their part, then just smile at her while you see if you can’t use your extra time to increase your contribution and thus your prospects for advancement. What you accomplish beyond your assigned workload is all opportunity.

J.T.: True, but I’d first consider why this behavior bothers you. Is it impacting your workload or performance? If her work habits are not affecting her job performance, or yours, it may not be a situation that requires intervention. Different people have different work styles, and some may incorporate breaks into their day to maintain productivity. If you’re concerned about fairness or company policy, reflect on the potential impact of going to management. Could it create unnecessary tension in the workplace? Will it be seen as helpful feedback or as creating conflict? If you still feel the need to address the issue, consider a more indirect approach. You could go to your boss or HR with general concerns about time management in the workplace, without singling out your co-worker. This way, you can express your concerns while maintaining a positive and professional relationship with your colleague.

Jeanine “J.T.” Tanner O’Donnell is a career coach and the founder of the leading career site www.workitdaily.com. Dale Dauten’s latest book is “Experiments Never Fail: A Guide for the Bored, Unappreciated and Underpaid.” Please visit them at jtanddale. com, where you can send questions via email, or write to them in care of King Features Syndicate, 628 Virginia Dr., Orlando, FL 32803.