Model citizens and mopes on dope in cop report
Arriving in Morro Bay on Friday night, I discovered a new local weekly newspaper offered for free at local establishments.
It’s good to see, especially when the trend is toward newspapers disappearing.
I make the trip up here every September to cheer on The Palmdale Aerospace Academy Griffins in the big Morro Bay Invitational cross country meet.
The new paper, the Estero Bay News, is one of those classic weeklies that serve small towns across the nation. It reminds me a bit of Central New York’s Red Creek
Herald, for which my late Aunt June was a longtime columnist and onetime editor.
My favorite section of small-town weeklies is always the police blotter or crime report. It serves as a stark reminder of how matters that we suburban Los Angeles County dwellers might consider trivial are newsworthy in other locales.
Reports of racoons in attics, passing motorists giving someone “the finger,” the littering of a soft drink cup, and someone docking a boat in the wrong berth have made the Red Creek Herald crime report, for example.
We can only wish we had such minor incidents in our area.
I read the newspapers wherever I go, and the Estero Bay News police report is like none I have seen.
Here is local crime with a sense of humor. It is a dry, sardonic sense of humor at that. To wit:
“Aug. 31: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 9:47 a.m. at Leila Keiser Park. The 56-year-old model citizen was arrested for suspicion of being high on drugs, possessing drugs and drug paraphernalia, and thus was drug to County Jail.”
“Aug. 28: Police took a report of elder abuse, which is a violation of the Fifth Commandment, for which they’ll no doubt take the Fifth Amendment.”
“Aug. 25: Someone had it their way at Burger King, as the manager turned in a counterfeit $100 bill. Police flipped the whopper over to the DA, with a side of fries.”
“Aug. 19: Police responded to a call of a disturbance at 9 p.m. in the 1500 block of Main. A 30-year-old train wreck was arrested for suspicion of battery on a police officer, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace. The disagreeable fellow went to the hoosegow for a little timeout.”
There are colorful descriptions of levels of drug intoxication. One fellow, for example, was “high as the stacks” (the three 450-foot tall stacks from the former Morro Bay Power Plant, visible for 10 miles).
A man and woman were arrested on suspicion of being “mopes on dopes.”
A “58-year-old lady inebriate was advised to cease and de-shut up.”