Building stronger relationships
Researchers are discovering that family and friends may do more than just providing companionship and emotional support — they may also boost your life longevity. Results of over a hundred studies were analyzed and the results suggest that adults with strong personal relationships live a few years longer than those with weak family ties. This information may be known but what we do with the information is most important.
The way we view ourselves greatly affects how we relate to others. And who we have become is a complex process of desires and experiences, familial and cultural influences, as well as a genetic blueprint. From birth we learned to communicate our wants and desires for a feeding or a dry diaper conditioned by the response we get from our caregivers. As children we learned to observe what our parents approved and disapproved as we conformed and rebelled. Parent’s praise made us feel safe and secure but parent’s disapproval left us feeling insecure. These early experiences shaped our view of what is right and what is wrong as we absorb as sponges the values of our parents. In more ways than one, our relationship with our parents is a strong influence on how we relate to the rest of the world. If all goes well, a strong tie with your parents helps you grow up feeling competent, living according to inner values, with a high sense of self-esteem and become successful in future relationships.
In contrast, distress can result from an unhealthy relationship with your parents. Though some may learn to compensate and undo past conditioning, others may struggle with building strong relationships with others. A sense of disconnection can cause a restless soul. Stop blaming your parents and just accept what is and what was. Dig deep. Being aware of your deep inner insecurities is a necessary step for growth. Studies have shown that adults change very little in the course of adulthood, but according to new research, adult development adjusts and modifies throughout adulthood. And while many of us lose our ideals over time, others do not develop serious ideals until well into midlife. In all of the imperfections, we can always do better. Here’s some collection of tips on how we as adults can build stronger relationships from popular sources:
• Trust is everything. Without trust there will be no relationship. You can have a shell of a relationship but there will be nothing truly there. Think about all the people you know that question their spouse or their children about every little detail of the day. Trust is vital to any relationship to become strong and everlasting.
•Honesty is a necessary ingredient. Relationships based on lies do not last very long. Even a well-meaning white lie can cause a relationship to sour in the long run. Honesty is still the best policy.
Spend time together with whom you want to build a relationship. Do not let modern life’s hustle and bustle get in the way of spending a meal together, a movie or a stroll in the park. Simple togetherness goes a long way.
•Forgive and forget. No one is perfect. You’re not perfect. Focus on what is good and ignore if you can the not so perfect attributes. In the heat of an emotional display, our blood supplies are shunted away from our hypoxic brain which causes us to say words we don’t really mean or do things we would not normally do. Count to ten and say sorry. Count to ten and accept the apology. Avoid further hurt.
•Communication is the key. Most arguments stemmed from poor communication whether at home or at work. Lack of communication leaves a lot to speculations and internal story-telling to fill in the gaps. The stories you create may only be one percent true. The bad thing is that we react to these created stories emotionally. The stories we create are usually reinforcing how right we are and how wrong the other person is. This approach will not promote everlasting relationships.
•Listen. I mean really listen. Listening without plotting your own rebuttal to the argument is a skill. Quiet your internal monitors and truly understand the other person’s position. Maintain the dialogue by allowing the other person to communicate their desires and frustrations. You might just be able to help them see positive alternatives if you truly understand their positions.
• Be a team. The beauty of a team is in each member’s differences and what everyone brings uniquely to the table. Share the burden of responsibilities and joyful privileges. Celebrate the simple joy of having each other.
The holiday season brings us all together with friends and family. Strive to proactively builder stronger relationships with your co-workers, friends, and families. Avoid controversial topics at the Christmas table and let sharing the joys of the season bring you closer together.
Merry Christmas!