Do I re­ally need to call mom?

Antelope Valley Press - - VALLEY LIFE -

Dear An­nie: Ev­ery Sun­day, my fam­ily and I go over to my mother’s house for din­ner. My fa­ther passed away a few years ago, and the din­ners are a way to help her not feel so lonely. We usu­ally have a lovely time dur­ing din­ner, and she adores spend­ing time with her grand­chil­dren. The prob­lem is when I leave. She asks me to call her to make sure I got home safely. We live roughly 10 miles from her house. And the nag­ging starts be­fore we even leave the house. The last 20 min­utes of our visit are filled with pleas to not for­get to call her. It is re­ally start­ing to bother me. I know at some level that she wor­ries, but I find her nag­ging so an­noy­ing. Am I wrong to feel frus­trated?

— Con­fused Dear Con­fused: I’m not sure if you are right or wrong to feel frus­trated, but the fact re­mains that you are frus­trated. The only way to al­le­vi­ate some of this frus­tra­tion is to tell her ex­actly what you said in your let­ter.

Be­fore you do so, take a deep breath. Some­times peo­ple “nag” be­cause they are anx­ious. She says she wants to make sure that you got home safe, and the thought of you get­ting lost or some­thing bad hap­pen­ing makes her very ner­vous.

Try and cut her a lit­tle slack. Next Sun­day night, give her a quick call when you get home and re­as­sure her that you all made it safe. It’s a small ges­ture for your mother’s san­ity.

Dear An­nie: I am a 95-year-old man whose wife of 65 years died two years ago af­ter a long ill­ness. I am still self-suf­fi­cient; cook my own meals; drive and shop for my­self.

But I am ever so lonely most of the time.

I am sure that there are women who have sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tions. But how does a 95-year-old man find a woman, maybe 80-85, who would en­joy be­ing with some­one?

— Lonely

Dear Lonely: I am very sorry for the loss of your wife of 65 years, and it sounds like you are try­ing to take time to prop­erly grieve for her. At this point, I would sug­gest that you look for sup­port groups and other friends who have had sim­i­lar ex­pe­ri­ences.

Per­haps in shar­ing your grief with oth­ers, you will find more con­nec­tions, and, who knows, you might just meet a new woman.

Dear An­nie: I ap­pre­ci­ated your re­sponse to the par­ents strug­gling with a grown child with men­tal ill­ness. I wanted to add one thing. In many states, the Depart­ment of Men­tal Health is an in­cred­i­bly im­por­tant re­source. I don’t know where my son (with per­son­al­ity dis­or­der and schizoaf­fec­tive) would be with­out his DMH worker.

— Grate­ful

Dear Grate­ful: Thank you for your sug­ges­tion. I am print­ing your let­ter in hopes that it helps other fam­i­lies deal­ing with sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tions.

Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­[email protected] cre­

Dear An­nie An­nie Lane

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