Supporting people who have lost loved ones to COVID-19

Dear Annie: Most people have not experienced the loss of a loved one from the COVID-19 virus. However, my father died Friday night after fighting weeks for his life. The situation was agonizing and yet our friends’ reactions to it have been a bit surreal. Here are some tips on supporting the bereaved based on what we have experienced:

Please don’t ask, “How did they catch this?” My father lived at home in a small community and was healthy otherwise. Who knows how he was exposed, and what does it matter to you?

Offer your sincere sympathy. My brother and I couldn’t be with our father while he was hospitalized, not when he was trying to make endof-life decisions and not even when the ventilator was disconnected and he died. That added to our stress greatly. Due to the shelter-in-place order, we won’t be having a funeral service. Our father was cremated without us being able to view his body once more.

Take the extra step and send a sympathy card or text, or phone the loved ones. There is no shame in a COVID-19 death; please don’t ignore it.

Don’t say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Just do something. Drop off a homemade meal or a floral bouquet, or order a pizza to be delivered.

Most importantly, please do not say how much this pandemic has inconvenienced you, or how tired you are of the restrictions. Additionally, I don’t want to hear people’s political views. I just want to know that people are going to be safe so that they — or their loved ones — don’t have to go through this same wretched experience.

— Mourning in Morton,

Illinois Dear Mourning: I am so sorry that this terrible disease took your father’s life. It’s always agonizing when a loved one dies, but losing someone during this pandemic presents additional heartache — not being able to be beside them in their final moments, not being able to view the body, not being able to hold a funeral or perform other important rites. And for many, it means grieving in isolation.

What an unnecessary burden to be dealing with stigmatization on top of such devastation. I hope you and your family will experience more compassion in the weeks to come.