Smartphone addiction and how to overcome it
Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 35 years. We’ve owned iPhones since they came out. She’s become quite proficient with using hers to keep up with the news, shop online, etc. The issue I have lately is that she uses the phone throughout the night. She probably wakes up on average five times during the night, and each time, she uses the phone anywhere from five minutes to an hour. I don’t suspect “foul play”; she’s never secretive or trying to hide her screen from me or anything like that. She’s mostly just shopping, reading news and cruising the web. But I’ve shown her tons of studies, cited articles and discussed time and time again how unhealthy it is, based on modern science and medicine. It also disturbs my sleep. She says that it calms her down — when every study says that it does the opposite. I would love to break through to her so she could find a healthier alternative and also so we might restore some of our intimacy, as that has been lacking.
— Lonely in Bed
Dear Lonely: You’re right on every count. There’s a whole trove of research showing that using a smartphone (or computer) at bedtime decreases the quantity and quality of sleep and takes a toll on couples’ sex lives. But your wife’s compulsive smartphone use seems beyond the point of reason. Breaking through to her here is more about reaching her heart than her head. Let her know how concerned you are about her phone habit, that it’s not just a nuisance but a genuine concern. Ask her to leave her devices outside the bedroom for your health, her health and the health of your relationship. If she refuses, ask her to see a counselor who specializes in behavioral addictions.