Brothers can’t get along

Dear Annie: I come from a big family. I have seven brothers and two sisters, and I’m their third sister. The older five brothers and two sisters are living in a different town, but it is within driving distance of where I live.

The younger two brothers, who are twins, live in the same town that I am in. Let’s call them “Nick” and “Luke.” We are all in our 50s and live within two minutes of one another. Nick and Luke do not get along. They can’t even stand to be in the same room. Whenever we are invited to family functions, if Nick shows up first, I have to text Luke and inform him that Nick is here. Luke will only show up after Nick leaves.

I love both of my brothers and have made it clear that I will not let one brother talk negatively about the other, but they slip it into the conversation, and I have to shut it down. If I go to lunch with one, then the other one gets upset. I feel like I don’t want to talk to either one right now.

— Stuck in the Middle Dear Stuck in the Middle: You are literally stuck in the middle. Not allowing each brother to say negative things about the other in front of you is a great place to start. The next step would be to see if they can forgive each other or try to talk about why they don’t get along. You are all one family.

Remind each twin that we don’t get to choose our family. They spent nine months together in the womb, and their anger toward each other might simply be on the surface, hiding their intense feelings of closeness that they refuse to acknowledge. I would suggest counseling for yourself to come up with a plan to help Nick and Luke. And don’t forget, all those older brothers and sisters might be able to help.

Dear Annie: Although I know that “Karen” is used as an example of entitled women I don’t think it was necessary for your reader to use it in the customer etiquette column She could have said a client books an appointment, making the same point without using the name Karen. The message would have been the same.

I am not sure why it is OK to use someone’s name for a stereotype. My name is Karen and to me, it is hurtful.

— Karen Dear Karen: You are absolutely right, and I apologize to you and to everyone who has the name Karen who might have been offended. This brings up a larger problem with our polarized politics and social media, where someone designates something, such as a person’s name, as being symbolic of something that is bad. This is a form of bullying, and we al need to be aware of it and avoid it. Thank you for writing.