Keep scrolling online 7 hours per day or give therapy a try?

Dear Carolyn: I think I should go to therapy because of my increasing sense of paralysis. I scroll for seven-plus hours a day. I put off both hobbies and important life tasks, from large things like taxes to small things like making dinner at a reasonable hour. I ought to be able to get unstuck on my own, since there aren’t any mitigating factors; I’m not disabled, nothing is going catastrophically wrong in my life, etc. But so far, no dice.

I think I could benefit from therapy. The problem is I put on a very high-functioning front, and I don’t want to disrupt it. I may do my work at the last minute, but it’s high quality. My apartment may be a mess, but I can clean it up before someone comes over. I don’t want anyone to know about the horrible process. My parents in particular – and they would have to know because I’m still on their health insurance. How can I discuss wanting to see a therapist while not admitting why? I’d like my failures to remain private, thank you very much. – Not Talking

Not Talking: The reason any of us wants therapy tends to be the obstacle to getting it. It isn’t just you. In your case, the only “horrible process” I see is shame. Its corrosive effect on your life skills and selfimage is almost physically painful to read.

We all have finite energy stores. Your top priority for your limited energy is to maintain your facade of success. The bigger your challenges emotionally, however, the more resources you need to maintain the appearance of health and high function – ergo, the fewer resources you have available for actual health and functioning. Which need more of your attention right now. It’s a paralysis spiral.

You’re stuck because you would rather shame yourself for being stuck than ask for help getting unstuck at the risk of feeling shamed by others. Everything you identify as dragging you down, and everything you refuse to do to get better, flows from that. Take, for example, your declaration of no “mitigating factors.” That may be true – but could also be what you want to believe, given how invested you are in erasing signs of frailty. And you may have subtler conditions. You may be neurodivergent, for example, which can complicate the daily executive functioning you find so difficult right now. It certainly can make phones tougher to put down.

You may have depression or anxiety or another mental health condition. These not only hit people right in the to-do list, but also lure them into harsh self-criticism – and make phones tough to put down.

Or, you may have both neurodivergence and a mental health condition, since they often work in tandem.

There are a lot of possibilities you could be skipping over in your rush to declare there’s nothing wrong!! Set up the appointments, please. Plural: primary care and therapist.

If your parents ask, tell them it’s private. Because it is. Period. If they press you – hello? That’s their messed-up, not yours.

Possible alternatives: an Employee Assistance Program, paying out of pocket, Open Path Collective (openpathcollective.org).

Since we all function imperfectly, there is no higher functioning than this: sensing a problem, identifying it, then taking hard steps to fix it. You’re 2 for 3. Great.

Email Hax at tellme@washpost.com.