MONEY MANNERS
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD:
Should I have a heart-to-heart talk with my boyfriend’s father? “Gary’s” dad recently gave Gary’s oldest brother, “Tim,” power of attorney over all of his affairs. While Gary and the other brothers know that Tim is dishonorable and will help himself to their father’s money, they’re all afraid to cross Tim by saying anything to their father. I’m an outsider, though, and I don’t care what Tim thinks of me. Shouldn’t I say something to Gary’s dad?
— Sue DEAR SUE: You’re asking the wrong people. You need to ask Gary if he would like you to talk to his father. If he says yes, then you’re free to have a sit-down with Dad. But if Gary says no, then speaking to his father, no matter how good your intentions, would be interfering in another family’s business and completely out of line.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD:
Ten years ago, I took $25,000 from my retirement savings and lent it to my niece and her husband for home improvements. They signed and had notarized a promissory note in which they agreed to pay me $260 a month, which would pay off the note, with interest, over the course of 10 years. They made all but one payment the first year, but since then they’ve been missing payments every couple of months, and they are now almost two years behind. Also, I lent them an additional $5,000 several years ago so they could paint their house
and sell it. But they changed their mind about selling, and the $5,000 was forgotten (by them). These are nice people, whom I love dearly and whose children I have watched grow up. The problem is, they’re terribly extravagant and just fritter money away. The other problem is that I’m now in my 70s and anticipate needing the money they owe me. What should I do?
— A.C.
DEAR A.C.: What you should do is put your arms around the two of them, look them in the eyes and tell them how much you love them. Then, while your arms are still around them, tell them that as much as you love them, you’ve reached an age where you have to have your money back, so there are two things they need to do: (1) Begin making monthly payments to pay down the $5,000 house-painting loan (you’ll need to work out a payment
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD:
My wife and I have always sent nice presents to our two grandsons on their birthdays, and not once have we received a thank-you note. schedule that is feasible for them); and (2) instruct their bank to have this payment and the remodel-loan payment deducted from their account every month and deposited into yours. In other words, lovingly insist that they put in place a system in which their payments to you are automatic, not discretionary.
If, after this, they continue to miss payments, have a lawyer tell you how to use the promissory note to garnish a portion of their wages — then do it. The affection you feel for your niece and her husband doesn’t require that you allow them to take advantage of you or to imperil your financial security. What should we do? Both boys are now in high school, and we’re getting sick of this.
— Dave DEAR DAVE: While small children can’t be expected to write thank-you notes, medium-size kids can. And by the time children are in high school, there’s no excuse for them failing to acknowledge a gift. All of which means you should stop sending your unappreciative and ill-mannered grandsons presents for their birthdays. You do them no favor by rewarding ingratitude.
P.S. You have spoken to their parents, right? Because in allowing this to happen, they’re just as much at fault as their children.