Glamour mug shot, anyone?
In a world weighed down by sensory overload, I often stop to ponder the various things submitted for society’s approval. And I wonder: “Why can’t this be a certain way?”
Armed with a computer, a bully pulpit and a worldview that is sometimes a few miles off the coast of the status quo, I thought it only fitting to share such musings as we go about the business of Razorbacks football games, state fairs and out-of-control Halloweenery.
So here, without further ado, is what may be a recurring list.
THINGS I’D LIKE TO SEE
Mug Shots, Part One: mugshot oil paintings. Had this thought while looking at the Mug Shots of the Month at hlntv.com. Lots of material here: the crack user whose facial tattoo art frames the look of haunting sadness in his eyes. The cop disser whose tearfilled, up-cast eyes bear an expression that echoes some Old Master’s rendition of the Christ. The tragicomic treatment of a portly, grandfatherly-looking school-bus thief … two mug shots of him bearing the two contrasting expressions. The man with the frosty blue beard, hair and eyebrows. All are painting-worthy. Artists?
Mug Shots, Part Two: glamour mug shots. Let’s face it, the usual mug-shot subjects aren’t looking their best (remember those infamous images of actor Nick Nolte and Parliament-Funkadelic band leader George Clinton?). If we’re going to give alleged crooks a right to remain silent, we can also give them the right not to look like Dude, Where’s My Car? movie-extra rejects. And viewers of public records deserve the right not to run the risk of being turned into stone just by gazing upon these images. Decent-looking until proven ugly, is what I say, so bring on the hair. The makeup. The feather boas. The studded biker jackets with the lapels you can grab. The soft-focus effect. Of course, there are plenty of “Bad Glamour Shots” posted online that are worse than any mug shot.
A commemoration voice reminder. My Louisiana hubby and I were so caught up in the 50th anniversary of the Aug. 28 March on Washington and the Rev. Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech that we, well, sorta forgot about the eighth anniversary of the Aug. 29 Hurricane Katrina devastation in New Orleans. Katrina, under normal circumstances, is Dre’s Alamo — “never forget” — so we were feeling pretty sheepish when we realized our omission early on the 30th. But man, there’s getting to be so much to remember and commemorate. Just this
year alone we’ve got the 50th anniversary of the Beatles’ recording of their debut LP and their No. 1 single, the 100th birthday year for Rosa Parks and Jesse Owens, the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy’s assassination — you get the drift. And yes, the voice reminder can also be an alarm clock.
To heck (well, almost) with the nutritional information labels on food packaging. Give us a Corresponding Exercises label. Tell us how many sit-ups and crunches we must do; how long and fast we must bike or run; or how long and vigorously we have to do Zumba to work off the honey bun we’re about to scarf down. We might eat the blasted thing anyway, but some of
us might actually be motivated to get off our honey buns to burn those calories.
A Polite Comments Only
section on a news website. The only comments published would be comments by people who are polite and complimentary to each other. Example:
(After a story about, say, Miley Cyrus ditching showbiz to head to the mountains of who-knows-where to study the meaning of life with some guru): halobaby The sky is blue. sailonsilverboy Wow, it sure is!
generaltomringfinger (to sailonsilverboy) Dude! You are so cool to get what halobaby was talking about!
indy5million (to halobaby) And you spell nice, too! You go, girl!
judgehardy I think nice people like you, who post
nice comments, deserve all the nice things they get in life.
Locked out would-be
troll (reading along and muttering to himself) I’m dyin’ here.
Normal person (reading along and muttering to himself) I’m dyin’ here.
A name change for Pinterest.com: Somebodybettamakethishappenformeorelse.com Foot, I’m here pinning all this stuff and what do followers do? They re-pin to their boards, or they come find your board and pin up stuff they think you’ll like. Either way, nothing is actually making its way into your hot little hands. Make it happen, Cap’n. Change the website name to indicate what we pinners really want — gifts!
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