Arkansas Democrat-Gazette

Semi annual time change against created order

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Dear Otus,

I didn’t realize how much the end of daylight saving time had affected me until I saw a photo my wife took when we were at Crystal Bridges Museum this week. I look terrible! Hardly alive!

Is it just me, or is this whole annual time-saving thing some sort of government conspiracy to keep us messed up and in need of Obamacare? — Duane Hanson,

Bentonvill­e Dear Duane,

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and, yes, your photo looks positively exsanguino­us. No, it’s not just you. The backlash against daylight saving time is getting stronger every year. And now that feisty Texas maverick Republican Sen. Ted Cruz is involved, it’s getting downright fractious.

Longtime readers will recall my annual spring diatribe against the odious practice of daylight saving time. This federally mandated intrusion into the natural order of things is an affront to humanity and runs counter to the peace and well-being of society.

Not only that, but I have it from a usually reliable, highly placed source close to the top that the whole concept is an abominatio­n to the Big Guy. Daylight saving time is, to put it plainly, a stench in the nostrils of God.

Is it not written, “Let there be light,” and there was light? And did He not separate the light from the darkness and call the light “day,” and the darkness He called “night”?

And was there not evening and morning of the first day?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t find the chapter and verse where it says:

“And God said, ‘ Hmmm. On second thought, let there be an adjustment on the second Sunday in March. And let all the nations spring forward an hour.’ And God saw that it was good and there was daylight saving time unto all the firmament in the midst of the waters.

“(Except in Hawaii, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands and the state of Arizona, with the exception of the Navajo Indian Reservatio­n, which does observe DST.)”

Then later:

“And God said, ‘ Let all the nations dwelleth not in the saving for all time, but upon the first Sunday in November shalt they fall back an hour.’ And God looked upon it and saw that it was good.

“Thus the heavens and the earth and the daylight saving time were finished and verily, verily, it was good. And He rested on the seventh day.”

Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? If the Big Guy made it one way, then who is the government to go messing with it? That’s what Cruz said in a 22-hour filibuster last week.

Just for the record, the U.S. has been tinkering with DST since 1942. There was a war on. DST was chunked in parts of the country in 1945, but in 1966, the Uniform Time Act crammed it down all our throats in the interest of uniformity.

The current dates for DST were establishe­d in 2007 with the goal to reduce energy consumptio­n. We currently “spring forward” on the second Sunday of March and “fall back” the first Sunday of November.

Exactly what does all this accomplish?

Your government would have you believe that DST conserves energy. On the specified Sunday in March, presto, sunrise and sunset magically came an hour later. This, theoretica­lly, gives us all an extra hour of daylight in the evening to mow the yard, paint the house, sow and reap, and any number of things that I can’t see saves one whit of energy.

And last Sunday at 2 a.m. we were all supposed to get up and set our clocks to 1 a.m. to “get back” the time we lost in March.

We first noticed the difference around suppertime Sunday when it was pitch black outside an hour earlier. Instead of the sun setting at 6:14, it set at 5:13. By 5:30 it was time to turn on the lights.

Of the two, falling back is always the most disruptive. Across the country, establishe­d diurnal rhythms are thrown into wild disarray as millions struggle to adjust to the earlier onslaught of stygian tenebrious­ness.

Children cling to their mothers. Fathers bite their lips. Dogs whimper and chickens roost and don’t know why.

For almost a week the nation has arrived at its appointed destinatio­ns an hour earlier and billions of manhours have been frittered away.

This is progress? Ted Cruz believes not.

The Tea Party favorite and probable presidenti­al candidate promises to make the abolition of daylight saving time his No. 2 priority behind repealing Obamacare. If he’s smart, he’ll demonstrat­e the egregious correlatio­n between the two.

Daylight saving time is making the nation sick and, Duane, you are the poster boy for the anti-DST crusade.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that, in reality, there are only 49 shades of gray.

Disclaimer Fayettevil­le-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of

Z humorous fabricatio­n X

appears every Saturday. Email:

mstorey@arkansason­line.com

 ??  ?? Duane Hanson of Bentonvill­e displays the symptomati­c lethargy and stupor brought on by the sudden “falling back” of an hour last Sunday.
Duane Hanson of Bentonvill­e displays the symptomati­c lethargy and stupor brought on by the sudden “falling back” of an hour last Sunday.
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