Get ‘help,’ Facebook panickers
Who ya gonna call? Not Ghostbusters. And in the case of a malfunctioning Facebook, not the police.
After the social-media site went down for a few hours Aug. 1, anxious callers in Los Angeles County prompted sheriff’s office Sgt. Burton Brink to tweet this admonition: “#Facebook is not a Law Enforcement issue. Please don’t call us about it being down, we don’t know when FB will be back up!”
Whuuut? People are calling the police to report Facebook is down? Are they crazy? (This, asked by a certain columnist who has been known to turn her back on a decent night’s sleep in order to scroll Facebook endlessly — and mindlessly.)
Some among the Twitterati were suitably appalled, asking via response tweets if people were really calling the police to report Facebook was down. “Yes, we get calls all the time like this, cable TV, all sorts of things not working [that] they think we control,” Brink replied. (No one seemed to question whether tweeting Brink such inquiries was any different from or wiser than the calls of which he complained.)
Police and 911 operators suffer alike. “The LAPD also estimates that 70 percent of calls to 911 this year have been nonemergency calls, including a man who called to complain that he hadn’t gotten cheese on his hamburger,” writes CNN-Money reporter Ben Brody in an online story about the Facebook incident. Other noted reasons people have called emergency personnel have been the stuff of comedy features: Not enough sprinkles on one’s ice cream. Undercooked waffles. Taxes that are too high. Or to ask that the good-looking cop who was dispatched on a previous call be sent out again to be ogled.
Reminds me of an instance during what must have been my preteen years, before I had the understanding of how things like this worked. I was instructed to call a restaurant to find out its hours. I was also given the number for Directory Assistance — known as “Information” during those days and front-lined by live people. Somehow got it in my mind that I needed to call the latter number to directly receive the information I needed.
“This isn’t [the restaurant], Honey,” I was informed in a slightly amused tone. “This is information. You want the number for the restaurant?” I’m glad the poor woman wasn’t hacked off, considering the wack-job inquiries she probably received in a day’s time.
In any event, the Facebook copcall incident made things like this seem not so comedic anymore. It could be a sign that our society has made things all too easy and labor-saving for us and, as a
result, we lack knowledge of whom to call when those toys malfunction. It could be a sad commentary on the availability of technical support, reachable by phone only after the caller is voice-mailed nearly to death. It could be that our TV shows and movies have made it too easy to believe that any issue can and should be wrapped up quickly, easily and in an hour or two.
I wouldn’t be surprised to see the old-school phone books replaced by big directories telling us whom we need to call if anything goes wrong. (The way companies continue to buy each other and merge operations, the directory may not be so thick.)
As I am a person of faith, it’s rather obvious whom I’m supposed to call if I have a life problem or issue … one that goes beyond a malfunctioning social-media account or a busted cellphone. Buuuuut … I have to confess I don’t always make that call. Frankly, I call on myself too much. Or I’ll try to call on a friend who may or may not be in pocket. Or I’ll gripe. Or worry that the Great Problem Solver has grown tired of me and my misadventures and that I’ve made my bed, so I might as well lie in it. So I’m not in a position to laugh too heartily at the Facebook cop-callers.
Truth be told, we could all stand to stop during our calmer moments and map out whom to call when there’s an emergency — in all aspects of our lives, literally and figuratively — and whether said emergency is real or perceived.
Now that would be something to stick on the refrigerator door.