At long last, your prince: He’s you

I — me — take thee — me — to be my not-quite-lawfully wedded spouse to have and, well, not really to hold, until death do us — me and I — part.

Those might have been the wedding vows of Yasmin Eleby of Texas who last month married her one true love. Herself. Having not yet met her soul mate, she decided to just become her own solomate and wed herself in an elegant ceremony with 10 bridesmaids (she has that many girlfriends and not one with a cute brother worth a darn?) at the Houston Museum of African American Culture on her 40th birthday.

We can only imagine the invitation: “We request the honor of your presence at the union of Yasmin Eleby and Yasmin Eleby.” And the joking before the ceremony: “Should I sit on the bride side? Or the bride side?”

Yasmin, accompanied down the aisle by her mother, was married in a ceremony — spiritual because it’s not legal to marry oneself — officiated by her minister sister and attended by family and friends (seriously, no eligible males in anyone’s neighborhood or church?).

The bride, according to the Houston Chronicle works overseas in the oil and gas industry, wore a purple gown, glittering jewelry and a tiara and carried a white floral bouquet (did she toss it to herself?). And she cut her own three-tier cake (did she smoosh it in her own face?). She even planned her own honeymoon to Laos, Cambodia and Dubai!

A shame that the world-traveling Yasmin Eleby-Eleby is now taken. Trips like that? I would have proposed!

Yasmin explained her marriage motivation to The Root: “I wanted to show myself my self-love, my self-worth and my self-respect. It was always about me loving me.”

Besides, we can see many benefits to the same-self marriage: No prenup required. No expectation to change your name.

You’re always guaranteed “me” time.

You can refer to your crazy family as your in-laws.

Nobody asks, “When are y’all having kids?” No marriage tax penalty. No extra laundry, cooking and cleaning to do.

When you argue with “Spouse,” you still get to sleep in the bed (the one in which you always have enough space and enough covers and no snoring).

You can blame your problems on “Spouse” to make yourself feel better. “This place is a mess. Spouse sure is sloppy!” “Huh, negative bank balance? It seems my Spouse is wasting all my hard-earned cash again!”

You can use “Spouse” to get out of unsavory social engagements: You: “Sorry, I can’t make it. My Spouse is sick.” Them: “You freak, you’re married to yourself!” You: “How dare you talk about my partner that way!”

No one to cut out of the wedding photos if the relationship sours.

If you meet someone better down the pike, no hard feelings.

If it doesn’t work out, you get to keep the ring, not to mention the Egyptian cotton towels (the single best reason to marry yourself versus stay single: wedding registry!), retirement, car and couch.

If you do go through a divorce, you don’t have to blame yourself (after all, who is going to trash-talk you?). Just blame “Spouse.” What a jerk.